The time I threw myself a birthday party

Last Sunday I turned 36.  For some reason, 36 sounds much older than 35 and I sort of forgot I had even turned 35 because I had boycotted my birthday last year for the first time in the history of my life.  I was between surgeries and I couldn't eat food and was living exclusively on protein shakes and the occasional decadent bowl of Spaghettios now and again when I was desperate to put food in my mouth.  And lets be honest, Spaghettios are only "sort of" food.  But celebrating a birthday without chocolate cake or any kind of food I could actually chew, didn't sound like a birthday I wanted to have.  So I ignored turning 35 and vowed to party it up the next year.

Now, anyone who knows me, knows I am not the kind of person who waits around for people to ask me what I'm doing for my birthday or make a plan.  I'm usually like, "Hey!  Um, my birthday is coming and here's what I want to do!"  And I also have a hard time with friends who want to keep their birthdays "low-key" or "simple," probably because I am neither low-key or simple and I look for all the reasons in everyday life to party.  It's who I am and I don't apologize for it.

And I did.  I so did.  I sent out real invitations - the paper kind that you write on and require postage stamps.  I promised myself I wasn't going to choose a theme, because once I choose a theme, I can get a little carried away.  But then I was at Walmart and passed by all of the fun fiesta things and I realized how much I love chips and salsa and margaritas, and a birthday fiesta seemed to be quite fitting.

(Also, if you don't know why our local Walmarts carry a surplus of fiesta related things this time of year, than you are probably not from San Antonio.  The whole city has a week-long party in April to salute the heroes of the battles of the Alamo and San Jacinto.  What it feels like though, is celebrating our Latin-American culture by cracking confetti eggs on each other's head and eating all the delicious Mexican food in the land.  Also, others may drink a few too many margaritas, but I digress.)

A fiesta felt like the perfect choice.  I had much to celebrate, including being alive and being much healthier than I was this time last year.  Fiesta's bright and vibrant colors suited my current season and so I put up decorations, just for me.

I invited my dearest friends and family.  We wore tiny sombreros and ate chips and queso and we played hilarious games.  Pie in the face showdown is epic.  And very messy.  It's a new family favorite.

The night was full of laughter and fun and I decided throwing myself a birthday party was probably one of the best ideas I ever had.

A week later, I woke up and I was 36.  My kitchen contained remnants of crushed tortilla chips on the floor, sticky counters from dripped margarita mix, and plastic yellow cups some tipped over on their side.  All of it made me smile.

There are days that I get up and look in the mirror and remember that I am a woman now.  And maybe that's an odd thing to say, but I feel like I've spent so many years figuring out what it even means to be a woman.  There are days when I still feel 11 or 16 or 22 and perhaps that's how life goes.  The older we get, we are just made up of all of the ages we've ever been.  There is still a little girl inside of me that loves play and magic and dress up.  A teenager that lived so quiet and depressed that wants to live life now like she would have then if she had been happy and confident.  And the young adult who still desires to live life or make choices that aren't the best ones, but feel like the fun ones. 

Someone told me the other day that I sparkle.  I let her compliment hit me and allowed myself accept her words that felt redeeming and glorious. There were so many years and seasons before where that wouldn't have been or felt true of me.

I'll be married eleven years this June.  I have two boys, a mortgage and a full-time job.  I'm a Star Wars nerd and geek out over Marvel superheroes and I love action movies and Bruno Mars' music.  I enjoy folding laundry and sitting in the sunshine and being by the ocean is my ultimate happy place.  I love chocolate-chocolate cupcakes and reading good books and drinking bold coffee with cream.  I am outgoing, naturally loud and am never one to shy away from the spotlight.  And I believe that it is only by God's grace and love that I am who I am and where I am today.  I'd be lost without Jesus. 

Also, I believe in party hats.

I am 36.  I'm grateful, happy.  And sparkling.

THIRTY - The Best Birthday EVER

Saturday felt like the longest day of my life. The day dragged on and the hours seemed to tick by slowly. I almost felt like a kid on Christmas Eve again - the day was long and it felt like the fun was never going to start! I spent the day doing laundry and counting down the hours until it was finally time to get ready and go to my big 30th birthday bash.

The party was held at the home of some good friends of ours. There were pictures of me as a little girl and grown up for everyone to see displayed on several tables. Even the embarrassing ones like me singing into a hairbrush when I was 14.
The cake lady of cake ladies made my birthday cake!
And my amazingly talented friend Mal made my favorite cupcakes in yellow and sunflowers - very me!

Oh! And I had my own napkins! I was most excited about this.
Two of my bestest friends in the entire world - Sarah and Bethany. They helped put this whole shin-dig together.
And I had to post this picture because it's fun and she is gorgeous. I saw that she had hijacked my camera and I posed in the background.
My cousin-friends Aimee and Anna. They also helped out with some of the details of the party and made the night very special for me. These two young ladies are so incredibly dear to my heart.
My Gramma and me!
My not-so-baby sister celebrating that I turn 30 way before she ever will.
My friend Sarah - her words that night blessed my heart immensely.
Me with my parents.
After eating, we started the night's events with praise and worship. My cousins Jonathan and Aimee led everyone in a few songs. I love that we sang.
After a time of singing, there was a time for words. Everyone at the party had a flower to give to me, to put in one large vase. Everyone came up to me and gave me a word that either reminds them of me, or how they have experienced me. It felt overwhelming to be given words by so many people that night.
It was one of those moments I wish I could rewind and do again. As it was happening I wanted to be able to receive all of the words given to me - gift, beautiful, fun, forthright, encouraging, sunshine. Word after word from person after person who has some unique role and relationship in my life. I was overwhelmed.
Todd was the last to give me a word. And he presented with me with the entire bouquet of flowers once everyone else had spoken. His word for me was MORE. I had called him to more in our life and marriage together and he wanted to share more with me. It was beautiful, the time was beautiful and again I was overwhelmed.
Each person there also lit a candle for me - there were 30. My Gramma lit a candle in my mom's honor and my dearest friends and family lit a candle after giving me a word.
All of the words given to me that night were written on a beautiful mirror that had been given to me. And looking at my reflection in this mirror I am covered with words like Bright, Energetic, Authentic, Worth It, and Passionate - just to name a few. Anyone who knows me well knows of my struggle in front of the mirror - that's where I want to believe lies about myself and who I am. This is a truth mirror. And there is no denying what is true about me when looking into it. I think I am still processing the enormity of this gift and what it meant to my heart to be given such a gift. I am humbled at the thoughtfulness that went into it. I am known and loved well by the people closest to me....
And as if that wasn't enough, I was given a beautiful book that contained even more words.Messages and greetings and memories written from dozens of people - even those who don't live here who wrote to me. I will cherish this forever.
We watched a slide show that my friend Sarah had put together - which seemed fitting for her to have done. She is the friend that has known me the longest - the video made me cry. I felt blessed and humbled at remembering the goodness and grace of God throughout the years my life. And in the faces that I shared so many beautiful memories with over the years.

I went home from the party that night and cried. As I sorted through cards and gifts and let out a big sigh after it was all said and done, I didn't know what else to do. The night was overwhelmed with beauty, thoughtfulness, care and love - for me! And it left me feeling overwhelmed with those things. My party was very me. Thought it felt weird to not have a thing to do with planning my own party (since I am somewhat of a party-planning extraordinaire), the night couldn't have been more wonderful. The only thing that felt missing to me were a few faces of dear friends that couldn't be there that night. I felt their importance and their absence. Even so, the night was lovely and it felt big to know that it had been for me - there was no denying that I was very, very loved.

My darling husband gave me the gift of gifts. A honeymoon. We are planning a trip to the Ozark Mountains in October - a few nights in a beautiful lodge. I caught myself asking him if we could extend the trip if we found a place to set up and camp for a night or two. I almost couldn't believe I suggested it, but I did. I am so looking forward to taking a trip just the two of us - FINALLY!!!! It felt too good to be true when I opened it up and found out what it was that he had gotten for me. I'm not even sure how he worked it out, but he did! Is it October yet?!

Attempting a family photo...Tommy is honking Todd's nose!
As I sit here today and reflect back on the best birthday I think I've ever had - I am still feeling overwhelmed and blessed. So much went into the night to make it special and unique for me and who I am. And it was evident right down to the yellow napkins and the sunflowers and the music and the faces of those who came to celebrate.

I'm not just THIRTY. I am loved, celebrated, and enjoyed!

Dad's 50th Birthday

It's a big birthday year in our family. My Grammy's 75th, my Dad's 50th and my 30th. And they all happen one right after another. Next up was my dad's big day.

On Saturday, a huge group of his friends and family gathered at a barbecue place to celebrate his big day.

Singing Happy Birthday. A blurry picture by yours truly.
My dad has been quite indignant about heading into his 50's. He has rebelled by growing out his hair (by his own admission). Since he has felt so old, I decided to make him feel even older by getting him a bag of gag gifts for some essentials that he might need to hang onto as he ages...
The best reaction was when he took out the designer Depends for men. (Another awesome picture of a ceiling fan and only part of his reaction). I made him open the gifts in front of everyone. Good times. Great laughs.
The latter half of the party, we got to enjoy some entertainment thanks to Ruben V - my dad's favorite musician/guitarist. The man has some serious skills on an electric guitar. A few songs in, my dad got up there to sing an original that he had written and got to sing with Ruben and his band. I still remember a time when my dad hated being on stage and singing in front of people, so it was awesome to see him front and center jamming out in front of all his friends.
Birthdays are all about celebrating life. The older we get, the more of life we have lived. The older we get, the more our stories evolve and unfold. And sometimes, the older we get, the more we transform into the image of Christ.
I remember last December hearing my dad say something I haven't forgotten. It was in the midst of probably one of the hardest conversations we've ever had to date. He told me that one of his "rules" is that everything that happens to him, purposes to transform him more into being like Christ. He sees all of his circumstances and encounters with others to push him to change and call him to more. Basically, his heart's desire is to be more like Christ. He is open and vocal about that desire - and that, is something I admire him for.

Happy Birthday Dad! I'm glad you're birthday was as rockin' as you are!