Fall : A South Texas How To

It's nearing the end of October and autumn is showing off in full splendor and glory.  Fire colored trees and fuschia sunsets and pumpkin spice lattes and baggy sweaters and scarves - what's not to love about this time of year? 

Well, if you happen to live in South Texas near My Neck of the Woods, USA, fall is a little different here.  Now, I'm a proud Texan and I couldn't imagine living anywhere else.  I mean, we have the best shaped state, and no other place knows how to properly make queso.  I've also heard that breakfast tacos aren't even a thing in other parts of the country and I don't know how this can be.  But, even this Texas girl gets a little blue this time of year because I would love just a little bit of cool weather and autumn beauty.

I put together a short list of how we do fall here for those of you who might be new to the area, like my Michigan friend Melissa who finds our South Texas autumns offensive.

1) Decorate
My house transforms this time of year into an autumn wonderland.  Silk fall leaves and pumpkins galore take the place of my everyday decorations.  Our living room becomes this warm and cozy space that wraps you up like a flannel blanket and gives you all the fall feels.  And if there any fall feels to be had, it's probably only going to happen inside of your house because outside still thinks it's swimming and barbecue season.  It's important to buy beautiful fall leaves at the store and take them to your house, because it's the ONLY place you will see them all season long. 

2) Go Shopping for new sweaters and scarves
 It's always nice to grab a few new pieces for the fall/winter wardrobe like cozy, jewel-toned sweaters and scarves in all the plaid patterns. So go shopping and then put them in your closet and then leave them there until January.  If you're lucky, January might be chilly enough for the sweater-scarf combo.  *Fashion tip* - if you must wear a scarf, find something lightweight and wear it with a sleeveless top, capri pants and sandals.  Also, shorts and flip flops with a lightweight long-sleeved top works too.

3) Visit the pumpkin patch
Oh yes, go.  Go pumpkin patching.  Let your kids get on a pony and go for a hayride and make homemade scarecrows and take all the cute pictures.  But, bring plenty of water and don't forget your sunscreen.

4)  Enjoy the cooler weather
Instructions:
Set alarm for 5:00am.
Go outside.  Take a light blanket.
Turn on the porch fan so the cool air has a chance to circulate.
Sit until 7:00am or until you no longer need the blanket.
The End.

5) Make chili and cornbread
This is the meal fall is made for, am I right?  When you get the first cool snap where the high for the day is 78 and you can open your windows and feel a slight breeze, you bust out that warm comfort food so fast and don't even think twice about it. (*Note - you also might sweat a little when eating it, but don't be alarmed.  We all do.)

6) Start a thankful list
'Tis the season for gratitude and it doesn't have to be November to remember what you're thankful for.  Start a journal.  Write the words on a pumpkin.  Fill a jar of sentiments.  For those of us who live here?  Things that always make the thankful list include things like - air conditioning, weekend swims at the neighborhood pool, iced versions of our favorite fall coffees at Starbucks and not encountering any rattlesnakes on a morning walk.

7)  Snuggle under blankets
This can be done two ways:

• Option A:  See #4 and follow instructions with your snuggle partner
• Option B:  Turn the AC down to 70, turn on all the fans and get your snuggle on from the comfort of your living room sofa

8)  Go apple picking
Drive to the store.  Make your apple selections.  And done.

9)  Bake all the yummy desserts
It doesn't feel like fall unless you've made pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie, or pumpkin snickerdoodle cookies.  Bake a pumpkin something and it will certainly feel like autumn in your mouth! 

10) Take in some beautiful fall foliage
Open Pinterest.  Search "fall foliage" or "autumn landscapes."  And enjoy.  You're welcome.

Autumn Decorating

It's always about more than decorating.  It's not simply changing out throw pillows and putting out pumpkins.  I'm creating a feeling, welcoming in change and a new season.  Adding warmth to my home and inviting reflections of harvest, thanksgiving and gratitude.

 

With autumn decor, I think less is more.  I prefer fall foliage, a few well placed pumpkins and one or two larger pieces that change from my every day decor.  My focal shelf that sits in our living room is always my most favorite thing to do up for any season and the deer art felt like a perfect choice.

My favorite pumpkin painted by my amazing mother-in-law almost always sits in the same place every year.

I like a change in the throw pillows on my couch. Sadly, they spend more time under my end tables as to not be ruined by the small humans who live here with me.  But they take lovely pictures until they are put away.

 A few pumpkins and knick-knacks get changed out on my bookshelves.

And I always have my favorite picture out of me and my mom in my kitchen in the fall.  It's the season she feels closest to me, and I love this picture as a reminder of the parts of her that forever live on in me.

I set the table like I'm about to have company, when in real life my placemats and cloth napkins are put away as the table is perpetually covered with syrup, crayons, Lego heads and spilled apple juice.

But it feels cozy if you overlook the chaos and mess that comes with having two small children and loving to decorate for the season.

Earlier this week we arrived home in the evening.  Tommy turned on a lamp in the living room and flopped down on our soft leather recliner.  He sighed a happy sigh and said, "Mom, I love how the house looks in the fall.  When you decorate it like this - it's my favorite way the house feels!"

And then my heart bubbled over with joy.  Because he can feel it too.  Because I love creating beauty in my home.  And because it's fall again.

Letting Go

I'm infatuated with sunlight.  There is something about sunshine that makes me feel a certain special kind of alive.

I find beauty in it throughout the year.  It's rising and setting, it's shining brightly at the heat of the day, or when it peeks through after a storm to remind us it's still there.  And when the sun hides behind evening clouds and it creates amber and fuchsia and periwinkle colored skies, I have been known to pull over on the side of the road just to look at it.  I've chased down sunsets, awoken early to watch it rise, and I've put blankets down in my backyard in January to bathe in it's light, feeling it soak into the pieces of my soul that starve in the winter time.

And then there's the way it lights up my house.  The way it comes in through my favorite living room window makes me swoon every year, especially in the fall. As soon as the first of September hits, I wait for this magical day that happens when the sun shows off in all of it's September splendor.

It signifies a changing of seasons, of good things to come and the months ahead that my heart treasures the most.  I usually feel my heart shift with the seasons.  My quiet solitude in the winter, an awakening and renewing in the spring, and an enthusiastic energy in the summertime.  But the arrival of autumn, is different.  Autumn brings with it sweet memories of my mother, reminders of the beginning of my love story with Todd, and invitations to create some of my favorite memories with my children in pumpkin patches, costumes, parties, feasts and a time to focus on gratitude and giving of thanks. Somehow, it all begins with autumn's sunlight streaming through my window.

"The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let things go."

This has been a year of loss for me, for our family, for our lives.  Loss of health, loss of time, loss of memories made.  Loss of relationships, friendships and community.  Of reputation, of dignity and character.  Loss of money.  Of certain hopes, dreams and plans.  Loss of weight that I've carried on my body for years.  I have been full of deep sorrow and sadness.  How life unraveled this year and spilled out into places, ended up leaving us wounded and wounding others in the process.

As another season invites me to something new, I'm aware of all that I've had to let go of this year, all that has let go of me, and all that I'm still holding on to that I need not to.  I've been coping and medicating and numbing out with all of the loss, trying to grasp on to something.  I'm discovering that loss is something we must feel, and the only way to do that is to empty our hands and stop reaching out for something to fill them with.  If my hands are empty, than they're finally open to receive.  And it's been a while since I've come before God in any measure of humility asking Him to fill them again.

Autumn's light through my window invited me to remember His goodness.  To remember that it's okay to let things go.  And to give my heart the rest, grace and kindness it needs in this season.

There's talk of our first "cold" front making it's way in soon.  I have my fall decorations ready and waiting to decorate.  My favorite white chicken chili recipe is on the menu, and a pumpkin pie to be made celebrating it's arrival.

Autumn is coming, with wind and gold.

And letting go.

Kindness in September

According to calendars and Starbuck's pumpkin spice latte availability, fall has officially arrived.

September is depressing when you live here. Day after day of ninety-something degree heat, and then factoring in humidity that adds insult to injury, summer is long and fights to the death to stick around.  The only sign I really have that the seasons are changing is the way the sun shines through my living room window.  It happens every September and nothing is more glorious than this autumn light.

See?  Glory.

When you live in the south, autumn is a season that you have to make yourself, something that must be created.  The other day, I put out all of my pumpkins, fall foliage and warm colored decorations.  The pillows were changed, the shelf above our TV got its seasonal face-lift and my kitchen was spruced up for the season reminding us of the themes of harvest, gratitude and thanksgiving.  Even my six-year old noticed it the moment he walked in after being gone.

"Yay!  It's fall!  I love when you decorate for fall.  It's so pretty!"

My decorations signal the things he has come to count on this time of year:  Pumpkin pie.  Our annual pumpkin carving party.  Being tortured at the pumpkin patch so I can get cute pictures. Dressing up for Halloween.  Getting in the car and possibly not getting third degree burns from sitting on black leather seats.  But even he knows, autumn is something we create, something we do and make together, because it certainly does not feel like fall.

If we don't usher it in ourselves, it's almost as if the season won't come. We are in the throes of Christmas and holiday cheer before autumn truly arrives with it's quietness in December.

I was actually reluctant to decorate for fall this year, which is unlike me.  Usually, I take things out before the month begins and start it off with all of my pumpkins and ritualistic September watching of You've Got Mail.  But I've been in something of a funk for longer than I care to admit. And I knew if I waited to decorate until I felt like it or was in the mood or the weather finally shifted and cooled here, I wouldn't be true to myself or what makes me who I am.

So I decorated out of hope, that my heart would follow me into autumn.

Last October, I completed a half-marathon.  It was one of the best and hardest and most fought for things I have ever done in my entire life.  The whole experience grew my faith and love for Jesus, but after it was over I didn't know what to do with myself. I had just experienced something huge for myself and for my faith, but I felt off and empty.  Two months later, Sarah's mom died.  I wasn't able to go to the funeral and I felt like I should have been there.  I coudn't make it work and I was lost in my grief of both losing her and that I had to be absent while those I loved honored her without me.  Sandy wasn't just my best friend's mom, she was my friend and a mother to me too. A routine check up at the end of the year, left me feeling shamed and humiliated by a nurse I didn't know well as my doctor was not able to be at my appointment.  Voices of accusation and lies about my identity and who I was, or rather who I wasn't, were loud that day and I believed every one of them.  After the new year, my RA became aggressive and very active again.  I both started and failed an intense diet where I had worked up the guts to see a doctor about it.  I started out brave and ended as a coward.  I'm still ashamed of myself.  Two months ago, I started a heavy medication which resulted in my husband needing a vasectomy.  We weren't necessarily planning on more children, but the finality of closing that door left an ache in my soul.  And then our church split and God called us to stay where we were.  And this world - I feel incredibly weighed down by current events, an overall darkness and sadness of the state of our world.

I can hardly breathe writing all of that out.  I've been spinning in all of these places, taking horrible care of myself and having little regard for what my heart, my body and my soul are needing.

The day the light came through my window and I sat in its familiar warmth and glow, I felt like I was able to calm down.  All of these things I have been living and believing and struggling with suddenly halted in a few quiet moments with the beauty my Savior gave to me.  I realized how I could always count on this moment to come.  This silly infatuation I have with the light and my window in September.  I count on it.  It always comes.  And how many things can we always count on?  How many things really don't ever change?

He doesn't.  He never changes.  Yesterday, today and forever.  Jesus is the same whether I'm training for a marathon or if I'm lazy on my couch.  He is same whether I choose to have a salad for lunch or a cheeseburger.  He is the same if my friend lives or if she dies, whether my disease is active or in remission.  Even if our world changes or grows darker or scarier - He is the same.  And I forgot this.  I forget His consistency.  I forget that He is faithful and unchanging and unwavering in His love and presence and affection for me.

I give my feelings more room and space than they deserve.  I give them so much power that they take over and dictate what I'll do, where I'll go and how I'll show up to others.  And for the last ten months, I've let my feelings rule my everything, forgetting how much they deceive me.

Maybe it's a silly analogy, but if I waited to decorate and usher in fall until it felt like it outside, I would miss the whole thing.  If I wait until I felt ready to pick myself back up again or when everything that felt out of place in my heart was tidied up, I might never get back up.

Sometimes you have to do things because it's time, not because it feels like it.  Sometimes you have to do what is necessary and trust that your heart and feelings will follow.

That's where I've been this week as I've made my green smoothies for breakfast.  Last year, it was a small and easy way to add greens and other nutrients to my diet and something I can easily do again that doesn't make me feel like I'm dieting or being punished for where I'm at right now.  I'm choosing to take the boys outside and walk the block and play in the sunshine in the afternoons, even if I'm slow and my back hurts from the weight I've gained.  I'm choosing water over soda and taking my vitamins.  I'm saying no to the things in church that I really want to say no to.  I'm being honest with my friends about where I've been and where I would like to be.  I'm discovering again who my really, real friends are - the ones that stick around after changes and hurts and awful church splits.  I'm accepting my husband's pursuits of me when he leans in to kiss me and invites me to intimacy.  I'm choosing to write over watching TV because I can't numb out when I'm writing since it's one of the places I feel the most alive in.  I'm choosing to cry and let feelings pass rather than inviting them to stay.

I often mistake violence for pleasure, and indulgence for need.  I'm discovering how to choose kindness for myself all over again.  It's amazing how quickly you can forget how to be kind to your own soul and body and heart.

I decided not to wait until I feel better or until I've somehow graduated out of this ten-month long funk.  I'm trusting the One who doesn't change.  The One who always sends magical sunshine through my windows in September.  The One whose kindness is so great, it leads me to repentance even if I don't feel like repenting.

That's the thing about God.  He can be found in every season.  I'm grateful where He reminds me of His faithfulness in something like autumn colored leaves - even if I bought them at a store and put them in a vase to look at.  I'm thankful for where He continues to invite me to Himself, using September skies lit up to remind me that He really is always there.

I am choosing kindness for myself, in hopes that my heart follows me into autumn.

Pumpkins and barrel-rides and 95 degrees - Oh my!

It seems to be in the last several years, the pumpkin patch thing is all the rage.  What college raves are to 20-somethings, the pumpkin patch scene is to the 30-somethings with young kids.  It has seemed to grow in popularity and I'm not quite sure who exactly we should blame.  Pinterest maybe?  The blogosphere?  Instagram and it's Lo-Fi filter?

When I was growing up, I don't remember this being a thing.  Pumpkins were bought at the grocery store and there was nary a patch to be found.  Now, you can find one on almost every corner or church parking lot and anyone who is anyone goes to the pumpkin patch.  It's like the big October outing that everyone goes to.

Every single year, I've gone with great pumpkin-sized expectations and I'm met with greater disappointment. All I want is a picture.  Just one.  But, the sun is in Tommy's eyes.  Or someone is crying.  Or it's muddy or 95 degrees or sometimes - horrifically - it can be both of those things.  To this very day, I have never been able to capture a great picture at the pumpkin patch.  Five years of trying and I'm still holding out for that perfect photo.

And there are people out there - real, live, actual people - who have managed to take their children to the pumpkin patch and get precious pictures of their babies.  I have seen them.  They exist.  I've even watched it go down in real life.  Their adorable baby giggles.  Their five children, all lined up in a row and matching outfits sit like civilized human beings and take pictures without fussing or complaining.

If you are one of these people, I know who you are.  I've long envied you.  I've coveted your pictures and your children and your perfect sweater appropriate weather.  And this time every year, I greatly dislike you.

Every single year, I join the pumpkin patch masses, thinking it will be my year.  I will get the picture of my dreams.  I will finally get the long awaited picture of my boys smiling or laughing and sitting perfectly on hay bales next to corn stalks, perfectly propped up next to round, orange pumpkins.  And they will be happy because we are at the pumpkin patch and this is the most wonderfulest day ever and how can they not be thrilled?  All of my fall dreams will come true.

And I'll take that picture and blow that puppy up on a giant canvas and display it in my house every fall as a trophy of the time I got the perfect picture at the pumpkin patch.  I will have the pumpkin patch picture of pumpkin patch pictures.

Ya'll.

It just doesn't go like that.  Like never, ever.

We did the pumpkin patch thing on Saturday and made a family day of it with Todd's parents.  I coordinated the boy's outfits.  I optimistically wore a scarf.  Clearly, my hopes were high on how this day was going to go seeing as the high was like 175 degrees.

We drove an hour away from home to go to the patch of patches.  It promised games, hay-mazes, hayrides, barrel rides, pony rides, face painting, pumpkin painting, photo-ops, pig racing, watching how apple cider is made, a pettzing zoo and plenty of necessary junk food snacks.

After we had lunch at a questionable restaurant in a tiny town where our chicken tenders tasted more like catfish, we arrived at the pumpkin patch already hot, sweaty and irritable - every last one of us.

And then, the picture taking commenced.

This one is my favorite.  I had to laugh because Jacob burst into tears.  Because of course.

The sun was so bright, because it was a million degrees and felt like summer and Tommy couldn't look up at the camera even if I had bribed him with his very own pony.

 In the words of Jen Hatmaker, "I just can't even."

Todd and I at least got a couple of sweet shots.  He knows better than to squint or burst into tears.  And after all the picture-taking nonsense, I ripped off that scarf and put it in my purse where it belonged on a 90 degree day.

Of course, post photo-op with the pumpkins I wanted, this one decided to show off.

I mean seriously, this kid has the most magical smile. Can you see why my I want those darn pumpkin patch pictures so badly?!

We attempted some activities.  Tommy got to do the barrel-ride and I'm pretty sure it made his life.  We looked at ponies and ran through the hay-maze, but an hour in we were all dying of heat exhaustion and nothing sounded better than getting back into a packed car.  Because - air conditioning.

 

I left feeling a bit defeated.  Another year gone by without the pumpkin patch pictures I went there for.

But then my five year old pipes up in the back-seat, face covered in ice-cream and hot fudge, because we had to enjoy some ice-cream on this summer-like day and he says, "This is the best day of my life!"

And even if I don't have a canvas-sized trophy as proof of the best day of his life, maybe that's okay.

But only maybe.  Ya'll better believe I'll be back out next year.

Pumpkin Patching

Going to the pumpkin patch is supposed to be one of those fun family happenings where you capture your children's smiles in utter fall perfection.  And in the few years now that I've been a mom, I haven't been that fortunate.

Ahem.  See?

The baby is either fussing because they didn't nap on the way out there like you just knew they would.  Or the boy won't smile because the sun is shining too brightly in his eyes.  Or it's raining.  Or it's 97 degrees.  All things that can potentially damper a fun pumpkiny outing.

Nevertheless, you go.  You stand in line and walk around with other parents and their kiddoes because it's fall.  You go because you want your kids to remember how you always did the same things every year.  Because you are building traditions and making memories and enjoying the little family you've built through the years.

For once, an October in South Texas actually feels like fall.  This past weekend, the boys had to wear long sleeves and everything.

We attempted pictures.

 

 Tommy rode a pony for the first time and had this whole one-handed John Wayne swagger going on.  

 He was quite proud of himself.  I think we all were though.

 We went on a short hayride where I was almost sure we were going to plummet to our deaths into a drainage ditch.  But we didn't.....so it all worked out.

We bought pumpkins.  We enjoyed October's sunshine.  And we made memories - even with un-napped babies and that one perfect pumpkin patch picture that still to this day eludes me.  But we were together as a family.

And even without the perfect picture to prove it - it really was quite perfect.

Autumn Solstice

I noticed it a few days ago.  That moment I wrote about and have been eagerly awaiting?  It came, it's here.

Softly, beautifully, it came streaming through my window. Signaling the much anticipated event of the year - autumn solstice.  Fall's arrival.

See what I mean?  Wouldn't you wait for this every year too?

This week brought surprises - the kind of surprises you never see coming, which are of course the very best kind.  October is bringing relief for my schedule, more time home with my family, less time working.  Answers to prayers.

In celebration of the light, the surprises, and autumn's official arrival this coming Sunday, I'm ushering it all in.  The fall foliage, the warm colors, the pumpkin pie.  It's happening.

Pumpkin Carving Party 2012

It's officially become a fall tradition for us.  The party was our third annual and this year especially, I was aware of how much has changed in our lives since the start of our little autumn gathering three years ago.  The faces of friends and the people we are in community with has changed quite a bit in the last year.  And though maybe part of my heart will always miss what once was, I find myself full of gratitude for what is and what God has restored to our lives.

Last night as our home filled with friends, some old and many that are mostly new, my heart felt full and blessed.  Initially I was a bit overwhelmed with the response of how many people would be coming.  It's hard not to feel self-conscious when your house is only so big and you want everyone that is coming to feel comfortable and welcome.  But somehow it worked.  Somehow 29 adults and 14 kids all fit into 1700 square feet.  Though the back yard helped of course.

I'm getting good at this.  Gutting a pumpkin, creating a design and carving into them.  Though it still feels nasty inside.

The veterans were there - the only couple who has attended all three parties.  

 And the newlyweds were present - my recently married cousin and her wonderful husband.

 New friends.

 And more new friends.

 A whole back yard full of new friends really.

 And little boys who kept sneaking treats. 

 As always, everyone came up with some super creative designs. 

I couldn't fit them all into one picture - there were 16 entries total and the winning pumpkin was an awesome spider web design. 

We'll do it again next year I'm sure.  When I'll be carrying a baby on my hip and when newer friends are not so new. 

Swapping some fall

I've heard of these before - blog swaps.  Where you meet someone new via blog-world, get together a little box of goodies to mail and wait for your own to arrive.  But I've never done one myself.

After I came across Kristin at Vignette's a few months ago though, when she announced she was orchestrating a fall blog swap, I decided - why not join in?  I love fall!

I was paired up with Beth over at Our Journey's Beginning.  Both Beth and I are expecting a baby - though she's a bit closer to meeting her little one than I am.  It was so fun exchanging e-mails and blogs with someone I had never met or come across before.  Beth lives all the way over in Virginia, where unlike myself, she gets to see the trees changing colors and experiences a more legitimate autumn than what I have to manufacture down here deep in the heart of Texas.

The shopping was maybe the best part - but only because I love shopping for goodies so much.  We were given a $20 budget and it's amazing what you can find when you look for deals.  I made Beth a mini-fall wreath and found some fun fallish things to send her way - like a yummy smelling apple pie candle, a fun scarf, nail polish and some fun things to use for baking.  I had a blast shopping and getting her box together.

Mine arrived over the weekend!

Beth found all sorts of great goodies!  A colorful scarf, yummy smelling candles, candy corn, a jar of ready-to-bake oatmeal cookie ingredients, a fun fall leaf kitchen towel and a hand-painted Harvest sign.

When we e-mailed back and forth, I told Beth that I had so much fall decor that I didn't really need much.  But that I had been on the hunt for a little black crow and hadn't been able to find anything I liked yet.  I was so excited to find a cute black crow in my box of goodies that she sent over!

Beth sprinkled in some fall leaves in my box which made me smile.  She shared some of her Virginia autumn with this Texas gal and I loved it.

So, thanks to my new friend Beth for spoiling me with goodies.  And to Kristin for hosting such a fun swap.  Maybe they'll be another one for Christmas?

another autumn

Autumn has been been my favorite since I first realized how glorious it sounded for leaves to crunch under my feet as I walked home from the school bus stop.  It's been my favorite since my mom made crafts with puff paint and fabric fall leaves and wreaths full of gourds and acorns and festive ribbons.

Autumn is for September skies rich with beauty.  When the air is clear and full of change and promise and hope for more.  It's for listening to cold fronts rustling through trees and for open windows.  Curtains blowing in, house fresh with crisp air.

Autumn is for doing things out of the regular ebb and flow of life.  Like taking day trips to the Texas hill country, going outside to enjoy more hand-holding walks, and buying mums for your front porch. For wearing scarves and sweaters and colors that run warm and deep.

Autumn is for trips to the pumpkin patch to take family pictures and go on hayrides.  It's full of cozy, warm meals cooked in crock pots and spice candles burning while you snuggle under blankets.

Autumn is for pumpkin carving parties like we host every year.  It means friends and laughter and pumpkin guts in trash bags and kids playing in cabinets that they've deemed as spaceships.

Autumn is for giving thanks. For small intimate dinners with close friends to speak truth into our hearts about where we've been, what we hope for and where we have found gratitude.  It's for large family gatherings where there is too much food and kid-created chaos and holiday memories to be made.

Autumn is for pies baking in the oven, wearing home-made costumes and remembering my mother.  How close she feels when the air is cool and candles are glowing soft.