I was just getting back home from shopping with my mother-in-law when the sky was starting to look like this. We had some rain over the weekend, but we hadn't seen anything like these dark storm clouds.
Something about the thick black that was moving in felt strangely comforting. I was filled with peace and it made me relax. For those of you who don't know, where I live, we've been in a terrible drought. Wildfires break out daily and we even had one in the field next to our neighborhood. The thick clouds have been a welcome and missed sight. Our neighbors were all outside observing the skies with us. I was struck how something like rain could bring us all out of our homes all at once. I feel especially grateful. God is so good to send rain.
Friday night, Todd and I had an actual date. Like we went to a real restaurant and I had an adult beverage and everything. It was the first alone time we had that didn't include grocery shopping or cleaning my office together - in I can't even remember how long it's been. And our date was great, except for the fact that I sat there and cried the entire time. There was a lot I was holding in and wave after wave of tears came as I unpacked things that I didn't even know I was storing inside of me. After dinner, Todd was a good sport and saw a "chick flick" with me that summed up a lot of how I feel about being a working mom. And it tugged at the mommy pieces of my heart and I cried throughout the movie too.
I put the finishing touches on the house for fall thanks to my mom-in-law who likes to spoil me. Of course there will be more on this later. But I love how my home feels when it's spruced up with fall leaves and everything smells like spices and Thanksgiving laughter.
Todd and I rejoiced over something really big this weekend. Something we've been hoping for and something I've really longed to see him do for a long time - it's all officially in the works. He's headed off to Michigan in October to attend The Journey where I've been twice now. I am overjoyed that he's going, that it's time and that he will be there. Both of us feel overwhelmed at how it all came together and the enormity of support he's had from our community of friends. It seems as though when we are finally willing, God shows up and brings things together in unimaginable ways.
Tonight I am enjoying candlelight and the sound of rain pattering down on my roof. I can hear thunder rumbling in the distance and I feel like I'm drinking it all up just like our thirsty land is. Like I can feel it penetrating the most hungry and thirst parts inside of me. I guess I'm just one of those people that can really feel the rain.
I've missed the rain. I've missed the thick black clouds and claps of thunder. I've missed how alive it makes me feel. And I'm feeling alive tonight.
In all of the decorating for fall and crying on date night and watching the glow of my candles, and rejoicing over what is happening for Todd - I'm just feeling alive. Hope feels like a tangible thing that I could almost reach out and touch. Maybe it's just seeing God working in big show-offy ways lately. Maybe it's the rain. Maybe it's all of it and how He has just created my heart not to miss the glory of it all.