Today I am thankful for the two most important guys in my life - my husband and my son.
As Tommy continues to grow up, I feel mindful that this could be the only time I ever do what I'm doing as a mom.
This could be the only two year old I ever have. This could be the only time I ever potty-train a child. This could be the last tantrum I have to deal with. The not knowing if or when we'll ever have another baby has made me extra mindful as I've cared for him. And I've been able to look at Tommy and the childhood that we create for him with so much gratefulness.
I feel grateful that I know the pain of what it means to struggle with infertility. It has made being a mom that much more special to me - because this really could be the only time I do any of these things. And I don't want to look back on these years and feel that I wasted them because I was tired and frustrated and missed out on opportunities to just enjoy him. It feels like my struggle has been a gift for how I show up as a mom.
And oh does my heart ache for another. I would love to do this at least one more time - I especially long for a daughter. But God will decide the whens and ifs and hows of it all. In the meantime and in the midst of my longing, I am enjoying the one that I do have and I am so, so thankful for my little Tommy.
I am thankful that I have him to read to and play with and cook waffles for. I am thankful for his laughter and how he turns every round object into a steering wheel so he can pretend to drive. I am thankful that he loves to watch hunting shows with his daddy - for a few minutes at a time anyway. I am thankful that he invites me to live more. And I'm thankful that he is potty-trained! I never thought I could love a little boy as much as I love my own. He is a treasure and I'm grateful that God entrusted me to be his mama.Six years ago, Todd and I were busy falling in love. We were holding hands and making out and spending every waking, non-working moment together. We were in the midst of a whirlwind romance that swept us both away. How sweet it was for us to experience what it felt like to really be loved by someone else. I think perhaps that's why it went so fast for us. We were so hungry for love and loved each other so well.
And six years later, we have learned that we are only just figuring out what it means to really love someone. To stand by them and live with them every day. To build a life with another person and to stay in it no matter what. Our love is deeper and is developing roots. We feel more solid together and I'm grateful for everything that God has used to make it that way.
I am thankful for all of the little things Todd does for me - like taking out the trash, killing scary bugs and putting gas in my car. For mowing our lawn and checking the mail and feeding the dog. For working so hard and helping to do dishes and share the load of things to do at home too. We are a team and we operate like a team. We both do cooking and cleaning and chores around the house. He doesn't leave me to do anything alone - he cares and provides and is with me to help every step of the way.
I am thankful for the love and mischief I still find when I gaze into his eyes. I am thankful for his strong arms that hold me and how he tells me we will be okay and he will take care of me. I am grateful for all he has given up and sacrificed for our family. I wouldn't want to share my life with any other man.
I am grateful for my guys and for the role I am privileged to play in both of their lives.
This "perfect" picture came as we were playing pirates on the couch together on Saturday night. Moments before, Tommy had his shorts on his head and Todd wore a pirate hat and we were all talking in our best pirate voices and laughing while Tommy jumped all over the couch and all over us. We had taken some silly pictures, and then like magic, I got this precious picture of the three of us. (If only I could re-do my Christmas cards!)
I am so thankful for Todd and Tommy and who they are to me.