I should start by saying that I've always wanted another tattoo. I have two on my back and I have them because I like them. And yes, the process of getting one is slightly painful, but then so is working out and tweezing your eyebrows.
Last night, two of my good friends, Heather and Mal, joined me on my little pre-birthday adventure.
I had decided that I wanted a heart years ago. And after much searching I found a beautiful design that felt very "me." This was going to be my present to myself for the big 3-0 birthday that is looming in my very near future.
The heart carries deep significance for me. Aside from how many pieces of jewelry I own with heart designs, it's goes deeper than that. It represents love and beauty and a place where I'm at in my life now, where I don't sit in self-contempt as often as I used to. I am learning to love who I am as God made me, rather than hating and loathing myself and my flaws. For as long as I can remember I have not liked who I was. I've been hell-bent for years, trying to change into someone else. Until more recently, I rarely enjoyed what made me, me and rarely allowed myself to be enjoyed by others as the woman God created me to be. I know I still struggle here, but I've tasted the sweetness of what it's like to live in a place where I no longer abide with self-contempt.
I wanted this tattoo - public and visible for all to see - as a reminder of not only God's love for me, but to claim my true identity as a lovely, beautiful, fun, exciting, slightly wild and crazy, and tender-hearted woman.
The process of getting it was painful. I didn't cry, but I may or may not have cursed a very bad word in the midst of it. Oh wow, it hurt.
And I didn't do it alone. I had friends there holding my hand. And taking embarrassing pictures of me the entire time.
And the end result? Ta-da!
I love it. It's very me. And most definitely "Jenn-sational."