"I wanna do sumping special with mama," he told Todd this morning when he woke up.
Oh my heart.
The two days that Todd takes him to home daycare twice a week, I try to either not be there by the time he gets him up to leave. Or, I pretend I'm not there at all and hide in my bedroom until they're gone. And maybe that sounds harsh or immature - maybe it is. Even though I should be a working mom veteran by now, it's still hard to leave Tommy and to be gone as much as I am.
Honestly, it is still hard and I suspect it might always be. I'm still searching for balance while trying to do it all and have it all and maintain it all. And "all" is simply not possible.
There will come a day when he's not going to want to spend his days with me. He will have outgrown special times with mama. My time will have expired in the ways that any mom takes care of and loves and nurtures small children. And that's okay - it's how it should be. Little boys grow up to be big boys and men, and I don't want him to cling to me like that for always.
But I do want to enjoy it while it's here now. Even though I have to work, I don't want to miss out. I want to run towards the opportunities and the invitations he extends to me now. He won't always want me in his room to play. He won't always want me to take him somewhere and be with me. But he does now - and that's what I don't want to look back on and wish I would have done differently.
It's a shorter day for me and I keep wondering what it is that I could take him to do that would feel special. I suppose that at his age - anything other than being at home feels like an adventure. At this point, I'm not sure where we will go or what to do....