Weekending

The weekend felt busy.  And far too warm seeing as it was the first official weekend of autumn. 

We helped my parents (we, meaning Todd) move around furniture and almost clear out their house in order to make room for their house full of new carpeting.  I watched Tommy play with his cousins and I laughed and talked with my family. 

Saturday evening was a wedding.  It couldn't have been a more picturesque autumn evening.

I felt the first real baby movement yesterday morning.  It made me cry and reminded me how miraculous all of this is.  Being pregnant, having another baby, carrying life inside of me.  I'm eagerly anticipating our big ultrasound appointment in October so we can find out "who" we are expecting.

I found myself battling some things intensely over the weekend.  With places of disappointment.  With my identity and with beauty.  I fought feelings of being left out and excluded or forgotten.  Of self-contempt for not being a better friend, for seeing where I didn't follow through on something else.  And for what I look like and see in the mirror.  And shame.  The battle with shame is always big.

I had lunch and a short shopping outing with a friend.  It was some brief girl-time, but much needed.

We took a family walk last night.  I'm trying to get exercise.  Trying to take care of myself and this baby in the ways that I can and know how to.  And other than being a little too warm, it was the perfect evening for a Sunday stroll.

The week ahead feels busy too.  With work, doctor's appointments, things to be done around the house, people to see, commitments to be a part of.  I think some time off and rest will be in order soon. My body and my heart are in need of a retreat.