After work yesterday, Todd and I came home and got dinner started. He put some burgers on the grill while I prepared the trimmings. One of the perks to living in south Texas is that January can sometimes mean spring-like temperatures, which is definitely the case this week. Burgers sounded like the perfect thing to have on a south Texas "winter's" night.
Tommy kept running back and forth, from inside to outside, wanting to be with both of us at the same time. Our evening was normal - our normal. Where we enjoy our little family and talk about our day, eat a simple meal, and check a thing or two off of the baby-is-almost-here list.
But last night felt extra special. Probably because the normal that we've known for so long is about to change. It was the very last Monday that will look like having us both home after work, Tommy's energy bounding through the house and the backyard.
This time next week my husband will be in North Dakota and I will more than likely be sitting at my desk at work wiping away tears and trying to think about anything but his departure and how many miles are separating us.
The long-awaited, much anticipated job that we have been hoping for Todd has finally come through. Only, it's looked different, much different, than we had originally thought it would. There is much excitement in the air, though I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't just as equally terrified about the whole thing too.
Todd sent me a text message yesterday telling me that he had turned in all of his paperwork at his current job to begin his leave of absence, making this even more real. I've been absorbing all of this in waves, finding myself feeling excited and at peace one moment, and crying the next. All of this has come with more tears and aching than I thought it would, considering the timing of it all. It's the end of my pregnancy and so close to the birth of Jacob....and now my husband, my beloved, has to leave.
This is the thing that has come with tears and tissues and trust and many late night conversations. Todd is taking a new job - leaving the safety and security and the predictability of the work that he has known for TWENTY-SIX years - and taking a huge leap into something new. An endeavor that could possibly have us packing for northern country by the summer, if not sooner. But an endeavor that will allow him growth and the challenge he longs for and the ability to provide for us the way he has always wanted to.
In the last week, I've watched my husband come alive. He has filled with excitement and hope and something new inside. I see a spark inside of him starting to grow even though I know he has his own share of fears about what we are doing and what is all changing. I have fiercely prayed for this - for change and a new job and for more for my man. For years. Years. And while it's always amazing to see God an answer a prayer, those answers can come at the oddest times or in ways that you wouldn't expect. Todd leaving me in the third trimester of pregnancy and on my own with our three year old son, isn't exactly how I would have wanted God to answer this particular prayer. And yet His ways are mysterious and glorious and somehow all of this will be as it's supposed to.
It's quite risky. There are pro's and con's on both sides, but at the end of the day we have both felt God's leading in this direction. Even though this comes at a cost, especially his absence for Tommy and I for a season, we both feel at peace about taking these first steps that are in front of us right now. Even if it may eventually lead us all the way to North Dakota. Which is very, very far away from Texas and all that we have known here for our entire lives.
Todd will be back before Jacob is born. He is making sure that I am cared for and looked out for in his absence as he has talked to his dad and my dad and friends at church and given them all instructions and asked for their help. We are hoping that the wonders of technology will allow Tommy to still see Todd even if it is just over a computer screen. For all of these things, I am grateful.
The last several days have been full of affection. Of extra long embraces and kisses. And the next several days are sure to be full of more of the same. Our lives are about to to completely change and be turned upside down by this new job and a baby and so many other things.
So for now, I'm going to soak in the lasts of the normalcy we've known for six and a half years, cry when the waves of sadness or fear come, and lean on my crazy, wild, surprising God who is leading us into what could be the adventure of a lifetime.