According to the calendar, today is my 32nd birthday. This is probably the first birthday I haven't really made a fuss over or advertised to the world. If you know me well, you would know that if I want others to make a big deal about my birthday, I have no problem vocalizing that in many ways, shapes and forms.
And it's not that I don't feel like celebrating - or maybe it is.
My birthday is another usual time of reflection for me, but once again, times of quiet and reflection are few these days as my world revolves around feedings and diaper changes and not sleeping and eighty-seven projects going on all at once around the house while Todd is still here. And oy, the house projects. Reality is sinking in that this home will no longer be mine. Even though I've always known it was never a "forever" house, I did imagine making many more memories in it. I've loved this house and trying to make it look more appealing to prospective buyers is a more difficult process emotionally than I anticipated it being.
Thirty-two doesn't feel old, but I don't feel young either. (I feel like I should note here that Britney Spears "Circus" just started playing on my Spotify so take the old/young comment however you wish knowing this new piece of information).
I do feel more grounded and sure of who I am as a woman - like how I can shamelessly admit to jamming out to Britney tunes. I know what I like and what I don't and I find myself pretending less to be something or someone else just to get someone to like me. I may be far from predictable, but I am more consistent - which for me, feels like a big deal. The last year of life has been a huge year of growth and change in my heart - especially where I have journeyed with God and all that Todd and I have been through together. Because the last year has felt huge in those places, I feel like I've been prepped and been made ready for these changes and all of this that is unfolding for us.
Now here I am. Thirty two and I'm about to pack up my house and my life and my whole heart and move it to the northest north. It feels surreal. Even though thirty-two isn't coming with some big party or celebration, I have a feeling I will remember it. I will remember my chaos-filled home in Texas, my tiny baby boy, and all that was about to change for me.
And because we all need a little cuteness.....oh my heart. My precious boys.
To be thirty-two. To be Todd's wife. To be entrusted with the hearts and lives of two precious boys that get to call me mommy. To have lived in such a wonderful place and be surrounded with so many people that I love and who love me that it make it so incredibly hard to say goodbye. To be called His, to be loved by Him, wooed by Him and held so safely in His arms when I am so full of uncertainty.
Thirty-two and blessed. What more could I ask for?