March 20, 2014

Spring, spring, spring

Being the season lover that I am, there are a few moments every year that I wait for in great anticipation and expectation.

Summer is a feeling.  It comes from the perfect amount of warmth and sunshine and laughter of a little boy running through the sprinkler, food fresh off the grill.  It comes when I can see the bright colors of plastic aqua swimming pools, strawberry red popsicles and jet black skies lit up with golden sparkly fireworks.

In autumn, it's that moment when the sun is golden and it lights up my living room all romantic and amber-like.  When the first cool front blows through and cools us off from a long, blazing summer and the first fall winds are something you feel deep inside. 

Winter, I look to the sky.  When it is perfectly gray and cozy, it invites me to find comfort in soft, worn blankets and homemade soup and warm bread and snuggles on January evenings.  It's after the holidays when life settles and quiets and I'm left with time for reflection and solitude.

And spring?  It's our Rosebud tree, always the first to bloom.  It's pink flowers give way to beautiful heart shaped leaves.  I can see it right outside my living room window and it's my very favorite.

It's blooming now.  It means that spring is here.  And my heart is bursting with gratitude.
The last several months, especially throughout the winter, I was at war within myself.  I was sitting with feelings and thoughts that felt consuming, especially on the bad days.  They were the kinds of things that only happen on the inside of a person and if you would have seen me, you wouldn't have known.  They are the kinds of things no one knows about unless they ask how you are, how you really, really are.  And only the good friends ask that question because they truly know you're heart and because they can see when your smiles are forced and when you're not the same you as you usually are.  They can tell when your sparkle isn't as sparkly because you're hurting. 

I've been doing some writing about this season and I plan on sharing some of that here soon.  It's about motherhood mostly - and pride and disappointment and failure - and how those things are weaving into the threads of my story and life.  All of it making me, changing me, growing me.  Today, I'm feeling grateful for a place that still feels difficult, because it's brought me to my knees and reminded me of my desperate need for the Father's love and my Savior's abounding grace.

Spring is finally here.  Our tree is new once again. It lived through summer's blazing heat, autumn's fall and winter's barrenness.  And I lived through them too.  I too am new, for He is always making new.  He is faithful to make the new.

Happy spring everyone.

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