Four o'clock this morning, Jacob came into my room sniffling quietly. I called him over to my bed and asked him what was wrong and between my grogginess and his quiet whispers, gathered that he had some kind of bad dream about Oma (his grandmother) leaving him and that he had also fallen out of bed. I tucked him back into bed with kisses and prayers and went to lay back down except that my mind was already alert and racing.
I need to look for a new home daycare. He's not happy there and I've got to find something different for my boy.
Is Tommy's field trip next Thursday, or is it Friday? I've got to make sure to put his lunch in a brown sack and not his lunchbox that day. I need to remember to text his teacher. Ugh, I feel so out of touch with what's going on for him at school.
Did he do his reading homework last night? I didn't check it. I wonder if his handwriting is better and if he is slowing down to write like I've been instructing him to do.
I can't believe school will be out in a month. I still have to figure out what to do with Tommy on Wednesdays and Fridays. What am I going to do? I'm so bummed I won't have Fridays off in the summers like I used to at my old job. I'm going to miss that time with the boys. They're going to miss me. I'm missing everything.
Gosh, summer is right around the corner. Where has this year gone already? Oh crap, I need to mail out that 941 form for my boss. I need to get that done by Friday. That's tomorrow, shit. So I'll do that today. *sigh*
But yea, summer.
I've gained weight. Damn bathing suits and bellies and double chins. I hate my body. Wait, no, I don't hate my body. I can't say that to myself anymore. I need to say kind things to my body. Oh, I suck at this "being kind to myself thing." Why does it have to be so hard to take care of ourselves and our bodies and minds?
Oh I'm so tired, I wish I could fall asleep for another hour before it's time to get up.
I need to remind Todd to call the mortgage company to find out where to send our payment to. How did I lose the bill? Did I accidentally throw it out? I'm such an idiot sometimes. Oh and I need to pay that other bill online because if I mail it out now, it will be late. I hate money. I guess I don't hate money, I hate the lack of money. We need to get out of debt. Always feels like we're getting nowhere because we get hit with something else like Todd's new tires.
I'm going to need new tires for my car this year too. Ugh. And I'm just waiting for our AC to break. Dad made it sound like it may not make it another summer. If I have to pay for tires and I still need a plane ticket for the conference in September and we still haven't replaced our fence, and what if Todd's truck breaks down again? Or my car? My car isn't under warranty like his is. I feel like it's just a matter of time before that happens.
Why do I always think that way? Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I guess I think that because the other shoe always ends up dropping.
How is that a saying? Who drops shoes? What does that even mean?
Shoes. What am I going to wear to work today? I don't want to wear my sandals with that outfit because I need to paint my toenails again. Can I wear flats with that? I need to get some new brown ones.
Ugh, I'm tired. This is stupid. I'm just going to get up.
And so I did. I made a cup of coffee and perused Facebook at 5am. It offered me to the usual counterfeit for connection and gave me another list of things to do. Another stream of thoughts flooded in about wanting to try a new facial product because my skin is gross and then wondering if everybody in the world is selling stuff on the side now and using Facebook to promote their products. Why does that annoy me so much? And who is Ann Coulter again and what side is she on? And what side am I on? I don't even know anymore.