The last time I had a real encounter with snow was the winter of 1985 when I wasn't quite four years old. I have vague memories of seeing it, though there are pictures of my tiny self wrapped in a white winter jacket and purple mittens standing next to a tiny, lumpy snowman that I built with my dad. He recalls the night it snowed and the glee I expressed from watching it come down and land on the swing-set in our backyard.
Chances for snow, especially at Christmastime, are unheard of in south Texas. Most holiday seasons are mild and cool and having a 75 degree day and barbecue for Christmas is more tradition for us than roasting chestnuts over an open fire because baby, it's cold outside. Every year though, the Christmas dreamer in me wishes and hopes for snow, because nothing could be more magical than snow in December. My boys pray and ask Jesus to make it snow every year and I usually explain that while He is in control of all things, Jesus isn't like a magician that you ask things for and he makes things appear magically. Though every once in a while, He totally shows off because He is actually able to make things appear out of nowhere because He is Jesus.
In early December, we had a cold and rainy day and the forecasters were calling for snow that night. I rolled my eyes and laughed it off until my social media blew up with everyone seeing snow in their area. I stood outside for a while watching the light rain, feeling silly for hoping that it would actually snow. As I stood and waited, I noticed a few floating flurries mixed with rain. I stepped out on to my driveway and literally watched the rain turn into snowfall. It changed in a breath and took mine away as it did. Before I knew it, giant white, magical flakes were falling from the sky and landing on my nose.
Snow fell soft and beautiful. It covered the grass and the trees, the bushes in our front yard and rested on the windshield wipers of my car. I made snowballs with Tommy and Jacob, all of us gleefully laughing as we threw them at each other. It was the first snowball fight for all of us. We all got cold and our fingers went numb so we sat bundled up in blankets by the front door to watch it snow some more. Todd had to work late that night and I noted that I was strangely relieved he wasn't there to share in the moment with us.
He would have wanted to kiss me in the snow. He hadn't kissed me since August, and I wouldn't have wanted that kiss. Not from him. Not now. Not anymore.
It was December and it was snowing and I was Lorelai Gilmore with all of my giddiness. Yet, my soul was aching with sorrow and I was holding it all on my own; a secret I wasn't ready to burden anyone with yet. Not even my husband. And perhaps I was still holding out and hoping that my marriage wasn't really over. The Savior was coming and bringing with Him miracles and hope. But was there hope for my marriage? Did I even want there to be?
The whole experience left me feeling alive and breathless. Surrounded by the snow He sent, I tucked the beauty of the moment into my heart and breathed it all in to remember it on the not so beautiful moments that were sure to come. Sitting on my front porch bench, I looked up at the dark night sky and felt flake after flake fall to my face, mixing with my brokenhearted tears, and felt something settle within me. I didn't need to be kissed in the snow to enjoy the magic and beauty of the moment.
God's love enveloped me that night. The same God who knows the depths of my heart and still loves me. And that was enough. It would always be.
Snow fell soft and beautiful. It covered the grass and the trees, the bushes in our front yard and rested on the windshield wipers of my car. I made snowballs with Tommy and Jacob, all of us gleefully laughing as we threw them at each other. It was the first snowball fight for all of us. We all got cold and our fingers went numb so we sat bundled up in blankets by the front door to watch it snow some more. Todd had to work late that night and I noted that I was strangely relieved he wasn't there to share in the moment with us.
He would have wanted to kiss me in the snow. He hadn't kissed me since August, and I wouldn't have wanted that kiss. Not from him. Not now. Not anymore.
It was December and it was snowing and I was Lorelai Gilmore with all of my giddiness. Yet, my soul was aching with sorrow and I was holding it all on my own; a secret I wasn't ready to burden anyone with yet. Not even my husband. And perhaps I was still holding out and hoping that my marriage wasn't really over. The Savior was coming and bringing with Him miracles and hope. But was there hope for my marriage? Did I even want there to be?
The whole experience left me feeling alive and breathless. Surrounded by the snow He sent, I tucked the beauty of the moment into my heart and breathed it all in to remember it on the not so beautiful moments that were sure to come. Sitting on my front porch bench, I looked up at the dark night sky and felt flake after flake fall to my face, mixing with my brokenhearted tears, and felt something settle within me. I didn't need to be kissed in the snow to enjoy the magic and beauty of the moment.
God's love enveloped me that night. The same God who knows the depths of my heart and still loves me. And that was enough. It would always be.
