It feels weird to be here again. Working more I mean.
Last week was the first week of my new schedule as I've taken on more hours at my job. I still have Fridays off, but I work Monday through Thursday in the office now. It felt weird to not leave at 3:00 on Monday. And it felt even weirder to wake up on Wednesday and realize that I better get ready and head out the door.
My body is adjusting to this again. I was used to having some significant rest during the week and I don't have that anymore. And I forgot how long it's been since I worked this much. It's been well over a year.
I suppose I feel mostly ambivalent about this change. I love my job and my boss. I am so blessed and thankful for being here. I love that working more means that Todd can quit his part-time job and we can have our normal life back again.
I already miss the rest and time I had to get things done and accomplished at home. I miss the ability to see friends mid-week. I miss the occasional nap I took during the day if I wanted to have one. Working part-time was quite ideal. Yet it also came with a great cost, and it's one that we felt like we couldn't afford anymore.
Todd is quitting the pizza place after the first weekend in June. We are ready. We are ready to have our weeknights together again so that we can eat dinner as a family or take a walk - or just BE together. We are ready to have Friday or Saturday nights free so that we can go on a real live date together on a more frequent occasion. We are ready to have our weekends free and open so that we can do things together and take Tommy on fun outings. We are ready to get plugged in to a small group in our church because we will finally have the time to allow for it. Nine months into this whole thing, we are so ready to be done. Even if it does mean me working more. And while I'm ready and excited about all of this change and what it means for our life together, I am also feeling a bit bummed out that it means more time away from Tommy.
I never cease to be amazed at how many conflicting emotions can exist inside of me at the same time.
My boss checked in with me the other day, asking me how I was doing with the new schedule and working more. And I told her that I had some mixed emotions about it. I told her that I missed Tommy but I was glad that I can take on more hours too. I told her how on Wednesday I got a little choked up because it was time for Sesame Street and I kind of missed being home with Tommy to watch it with him. The words she spoke to me then were a wonderful gift.
"If you ever need a morning home with him to do that, you do it! Just come in late - it's all good! I think if we can take care of ourselves and extend ourselves a little bit of grace, we can be more productive at work. When our soul is fed and at rest, that is definitely going to carry over into how we work. So seriously, if you need a morning with Tommy and want to come in later, I'm totally fine with that. Or even if you want to head out early sometime or take a day off. Just let me know."
Does anyone else in the world have a boss like this? Yeah, I've never had one until now. She is so easy-going and understanding of my situation as a mother to a young child. This is just one of the reasons I love working for this woman.
So, I may be ambivalent. I may be working more hours. But I have been gifted with a lot of flexibility and a boss who I can go to and ask for what I need when I'm feeling overwhelmed or just missing my little guy.
As I think about last February and being scared out of my mind when the Lord led me to quit my full-time job and asked me to trust Him there, I thought He was insane. I thought I was insane. "I've got you," He said. And He did. And He led me here to a job that has provided exactly what I needed. And not just for our pocketbook....but more importantly, my heart.