February 27, 2012


I'm a feeler. I always have been. When I was younger though, it was labeled as being "over-sensitive" or even "dramatic." But over time I've learned to accept that maybe I am just the kind of person who feels things deeply. I was created this way - with a heart of tenderness and a deep capacity to feel.

I have this theory that it's because I am a creative and musical individual and maybe we are just wired a certain way. Musicians, poets, writers, sculptors, painters, singers - all artists of any art - we feel things on a deeper level. And from what I've observed, the best form of creativity springs from a feeling. The greatest works of art or moving pieces of music or the loveliest of poems are based off of someones experience and feelings.

One of my favorite pieces of music in the history of the world is from the Opera Turandot. I'm sure you've heard the song Nessun Dorma in a movie if you've never seen the opera. Luciano Pavarotti made it famous.

There is something about the way the strings in the orchestra seems to shake and the tympani rumbles and it ends with the resounding notes declaring, "I will win! I will win!" There is no way that piece of music wasn't composed without deep feeling behind it. And I know it because of what it physically does to me anytime I listen to it. How it makes my breath short and my heart beat fast and want to shout and rejoice and cry all at the same time.

It seems as the more my heart has experienced healing and redemption, the more I feel and the richer those feelings are. I feel more of God's presence in my life. I feel more compassion and tenderness for others. I feel more anger and long for more justice. I feel losses as they come. I feel joy and excitement with bold exuberance and elation. I guess if I was always a feeler, I've become a mega-feeler now.

Not all of knowing God is about doctrine or belief or study. Though that is vitally important to one's faith and should be a continual part of any relationship with Jesus, the places I have really experienced God have been in moments of feeling. In sorrow or joy and in desperation or celebration. I don't just believe in Jesus because of what the Bible says or because it was how I was raised or what I've been taught to memorize.

I believe in Jesus because I have encountered Him, because I have felt His pursuit of my heart, because I have seen Him move in my life and my heart. Because I have been transformed and because I continue to be. The most tangible proof I have that God is real is based off of my own experience. Others may refute the legitimacy of the Bible or the existence of God, but no one can tell me what I have experienced hasn't been real. My story is something that can never be taken away from me.

What kind of Love is writing my story till the end with Mercy’s pen?
Only You.

All this to say, I heard THIS song yesterday and it touched the parts in me that deeply feel. The parts that have been touched by the healing hand of God. It's called "Alive" and Natalie Grant sings it. I find myself curious about the writers of this song and what they felt as they wrote these words.

The author of all history, the answer to all mysteries
The Lamb of God who rolled away, the stone in front of every grave
Alive! Alive! Look what mercy's overcome
Death has lost and love has won!

I am so glad God created me to be a feeler. I would be missing out on so much of life and so much of Him if I wasn't.

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