Keepsakes and Dashes

Sometimes it feels like it wasn't long ago when Todd and I were aching to start our family.  The memories of getting pregnant and putting a nursery together and buying baby clothes feel easy to remember.  It feels a bit surreal to think that our long-awaited blessing is turning three next month.  THREE.

Over the weekend I did some cleaning and organizing.  Those are the never ending projects that seem to always be there.  I haven't quite yet put the finishing touches on Tommy's big boy room, but it is anything but a nursery now.  I have though, removed all of the "baby" things. 

It feels a bit odd to take memories and literally box them up.  It feels like the ending of something.  But this weekend, I felt where I was sad and where I was happy too, and boxed up my own little nest of Tommy's baby treasures.  Keepsakes.

Tommy's baby book.  His sweet little Santa suit that I had his pictures taken in for Christmas the year he was born.

The onesie my sister created for him.  His month-by month pictures.  A few special gifts made for his nursery.  Even the piece of paper full of stickers labeled "pee-pee" from our potty-training adventures.  I thought about how when he's ready to part with "Taggie, Bear and Blanket" (his sleep-time essentials), they too will be put in this same bin.

As I lovingly boxed everything up, images of his sleepy newborn face at 3:00am came to mind.  Even thumbing through his baby-book brought back the memory of his sweet baby smell right after his bath when I would rock him before putting him to bed.  When he would stare at me with wonder as I sang to him.  Oh those were some of the most precious times of my life. 

It felt a little weird; tucking away these little nuggets of my life that have come to an end - being the mom to Tommy the baby and toddler.  He's a big boy now.  I'm a mom to a big boy. 

I guess it's just one of those things I felt deeply.  It was more than just organizing and cleaning things up.  It was seeing where something that used to be a longing and a dream, to now be life lived and a piece of my story and his that is now behind me.  And it's in a box.  It's glorious and yet I want to grieve it too.

After I labeled the box and put the lid on, I smiled.  Because looking at it reminded me where my heart is still full of hope.  Baby keepsakes DASH Tommy. 

Perhaps, maybe someday, there will be a Baby keepsakes DASH second baby.  I simply don't know.  But clearly, my mother's heart is hopeful that there will be.