Fully

His childhood seems to be flying by so fast.  Some days it feels like I blinked and my little baby boy all wrapped up in blankets and footed sleepers is now this giant boy who has to sleep with a toy truck every night and now goes to the potty all on his own. 

Until he comes running back into the living room waving his shorts and Buzz Lightyear underwear in the air exclaiming that he peed and now he needs help getting his pants back on, that is.

He turns three on Saturday.  It feels so little and so big at the same time.  Because it means three years ago I gave birth.  Three years ago I became a mommy.  Three years ago, one of my deepest realized longings stared at me with his big blue eyes and wrapped his fingers around one of mine and my heart was changed forever.

Because of my story and where God has met me there, because of healing, of deep friendships and people who have helped me know what it is to fight for my life, I feel and live deeply.  I notice things and soak them in when the moments happen and hope that someday I'll be able to recall these precious moments where life and motherhood felt the sweetest.  It's as if I watch life from the outside sometimes - observing what is around me and how it feels and where my heart goes with it all.

We made watercolor raindrops on Saturday morning.  After eating homemade coffee-cake, we sat in our pajamas at the kitchen table and painted.  I took him for a haircut.  Bought some streamers and balloons for his party this weekend.  Gave him a ridiculously sized lollipop.  And we went swimming in the back yard (in our awesome mini-pool) until our fingers and toes were pruny and our tummies called for lunch.  It was a sweet day, just me and my boy.

But I noticed, that no matter how long I sit and ponder and feel and soak in the life around me, it keeps on going.  Flying fast right by me.  My son keeps growing and so do Todd and I.  

And maybe that's all we can do.  Breathe it all in and try to enjoy where we are as best we can.  It will still pass by and things will still change and before I know it, this season of our lives will have come to an end.  

But I will have really lived it.  And I will be able to truthfully say that I enjoyed it completely.  Fully.