Looking back

In 2012.....

I was kind to myself with greater consistency.

I began to believe more truth and I renounced more lies.

My writing was written with more depth, feeling and heart.

I had a more normal relationship with food and remained binge-free all year.

I saw relationships heal and grow - especially with my Robin and my sister and dad. 

I took on full-time hours at work.

I led a Journey Group for women at my church.

I turned 31.

My relationship with Jesus felt like a relationship - I stayed near and close.

My marriage nearly fell apart.  BUT GOD....

I owned up to where I had done damage and asked God to let me really see my husband.

I saw my marriage spring back to life. 

We fell in love all over again.

I said goodbye to more friends that moved away.

I let myself feel,  even the hard things, and didn't buckle under the weight of it.

We cut up our credit cards.

I endured disappointment after disappointment in regards to a job change for Todd.

We played in the rain together.

We had a weekend getaway to celebrate six years of marriage and much life lived together.

We jumped.

I enjoyed life-long friendships.

I felt more comfortable in my own skin and who I am as a woman.

I learned that I was going to be a mommy all over again.

I stood in my cousin's wedding.

I danced.

I began ministry with the youth group at our church and remembered how awesome teens are.

I survived Tommy's fractured arm and his first cast - at three years old.

We sold things and got rid of unnecessary clutter and made room.

I celebrated the news of another healthy baby boy.

 I fought fear and began to trust God in new places.

My parents watched Tommy for us - it was the first time I had ever asked.

I decorated my home for fall and Christmas without buying anything new - and I was content.

I got my Gramma back.

I took a picture of my pregnant belly - on purpose.

We made new friends.

We asked hard questions and said hard things.

We celebrated, wept, prayed, cried, rejoiced, longed for more, and laughed.

We lived and learned and grew.

Looking back, what I see most is where He was in all things.  Where God held us and how He sustained us.  Where He pursued my heart and where I leaned in to Him and His care.  Where he blessed us and made Himself more real.  Where He was invited in and how nearness to Jesus was what made my year not only bearable, but full of sweetness and memories. 

My Poppy said something very wise once.  He doesn't think that God should come first in our lives as if He was some kind of priority.  God should be at the center of everything in our lives - a part of everything we do.  He should be at the center of our marriage, how we parent, in our relationships, in our jobs and homes.  Not first and foremost, but at the center of all it.  This year I truly began to ask Him to be that for me - my center.  To be in all things with me.  

And indeed, He was.

Without You, I fall apart.

You're the One who guides my heart.

Lord I need You - every hour I need You.

If my year had a theme song, it would be this one.  May I always need God in every year.