January 30, 2013


It was a rough morning at my house.  Tommy wanted to talk to dad on the computer and not the phone, but Todd doesn't yet have access yet to Skype with us.  He was upset at the sight of my half-packed hospital bag and wanted to take everything out of it.  He wanted the other kind of cereal and the other cup that was dirty in the sink.  And he most definitely did not want me to go to work. 

Everything seemed to upset my little boy and at one point we were both crying at the same time. 

He misses his daddy and he's barely been gone.  I'm already just mentally exhausted being on my own.  Todd is my rock and he calms me down and he helps with so much.  Not having him near is just as hard and lonely as I imagined it would be.  And the discouraging part is knowing that it's only day three.

The biggest battle of the morning was the fact that I had to go to work and take Tommy to his home daycare - again.   He didn't want to go and I think he's burnt out.  He has had to go every day for almost three weeks because Todd's mom has been out of town caring for her sick father.  So instead of going to the daycare place twice a week, it's been every day.  It felt like he was asking for a break today, but I couldn't give it to him.  I have to keep pushing on and so does he and somehow it felt like the cruelest thing in the world.

Naturally, by the time we were finally ready and out the door and I had him dropped off, he seemed to forget that he didn't want me to go to work and was fine.  Kids have a way of bouncing back that is harder for grown-ups maybe.  He went on his merry way, while for me, the tears flowed all the way to work and I'm struggling to focus on the tasks at hand - getting everything organized and in place for the new person they've already hired to replace me.

I know this whole season will come with ups and downs and some days will be harder than others. 

But today is officially the first hard day.

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