January 28, 2013

A new beginning

In many ways, our weekend was full of normal.  We ran errands and finished projects up around the house.  We ate together and hung out with friends and got groceries.  On Saturday evening we even went to a wedding reception for a friend of mine - where Todd got a little dressed up and may have made me drool.

Seriously ya'll, my man is hot.  Or as I hashtagged that evening, #myhusbandissofreakinghot.  I will never know how I married such a hottie.
But then we had to pack his suitcase and it reminded me that the weekend wasn't really that normal after all.  In the midst of the regular every day conversations, there was also "Don't forget your sunglasses and your phone charger."  And "I printed up your itinerary," and "I don't think you can wear steel-toed boots on airplanes anymore."
Yesterday was the hardest and I was weepy most of the day.  I cried through the songs at church and through the sermon our Pastor gave and during communion too.  We went out to lunch with a big group for pizza where we laughed and talked as we've done on many Sundays together.  There was a time of prayer over Todd and our friends asking specifically what they could help with.  One is bringing me a lasagna when she makes hers and another wants to know when they can come over and take out my trash.  Another asked, "Are you really going to ask for help when you need it?  Please ask, okay?  I'm there for whatever you need help with - seriously."  And I believed her. 

It left us both, and maybe me moreso, feeling very cared for and loved.  We are remembered and surrounded by a community that though are still somewhat new to us, leave us feeling really a part of something special - how church is really intended to be.  They aren't just people I say hi to on Sundays and have conversations about surfacy things with at after-church lunches.  They're real and sincere and open and I've come to love them and being part of them.  That's when it's hard to not let my wander to thoughts of....if we move away, I'll lose this.

Tommy had tears yesterday too.  We had been talking to him all week about Todd's departure and new job and leaving on an airplane, but something sunk in yesterday morning as he wrapped his arms around his daddy and cried big, messy tears.  Oh did this mama cry....when you realize that you can't keep your children from feeling pain... talk about a whole new level of parenthood.
Todd ran out last night to take care of a few things, and when he returned, came back with a beautiful arrangement of colorful flowers.  I was hoping for them and it made me smile when I saw him walk in the door with roses and hydrangeas and lilies yet to bud, in hand. 
After Todd left early this morning, I noticed that the lilies had opened overnight.  They are my favorite color.  Yellow - bright, cheerful, happy.  Reminding me of hope and change.  And promise.  It felt like God was saying to me, "I am doing something beautiful here Jennifer.  See?!"
The time for goodbye has come.  He is gone and is already half way across the country.  All that we are risking became very real this morning as he rolled his suitcase out of our front door and headed off to the airport, leaving us behind in hopes of the more we have prayed and longed for together all these years. 

And though I'm a bit sad, I'm already missing him, and have to consciously lay my fears aside about all that is ahead, I also feel much like the bright yellow lilies that greeted me this morning.

A new beginning, a new chapter, a new adventure....it's here. 


  1. you make me go through so many emotions while i read this. i'm happy that i ended feeling excitement for all of you.

    i can't imagine how difficult it must be though. i'm so glad that you have such a supportive group of friends.

  2. My heart is with you. What a strong and brave woman you are. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.


  3. Thinking of you today & sending hugs your way, so excited to hear how God works in your life in this new season!