When we bought our home over four years ago now, I didn't think it would even be possible. When we found out we were expecting our first child we knew we needed a bigger space and longed to leave apartment living behind. Todd began the search and to our surprise, we not only found a house that we loved, but we qualified to purchase it - a dream that neither of us thought we would ever see become a reality.
I remember walking in the first time - it felt like home is supposed to feel. It was open and spacious. I loved the kitchen and was immediately able to envision dinners around the table and where the Christmas tree would go and how I would place the furniture. I remember sitting on the kitchen counter, holding my husbands hands and praying, asking God that if this was what He had for us, that He would make a way. That we could call this lovely place our home.
And it was what He had in mind. We qualified, closed easily and moved in Valentine's Day weekend of 2009.
Oh, my home. I have loved this place. It has been everything I wanted our first place to be. Warm, inviting, bright, and spacious. It holds so many memories, so many faces that have entered our place for fellowship and parties, for prayer and tears, for Bible study, for meals and barbecues.
At the moment, I feel as though I am the epitome of ambivalence. I am excited and so ready for this North Dakota adventure. So anxious to begin this process in hopes of the sooner that the house sells, the sooner we can be together and be a family again. And I ache and cry and am so, so sad. To leave this place, our first home, this beautiful place that I've decorated and dwelt in and that has been my shelter and place of comfort for four years - it will soon belong to someone else. As much as I'm excited about the future, I am just as heartbroken.
It's time though. I can feel it in my gut. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is leading us out of the familiar and the known and has something big in store. And not just Todd's new job - there is a reason He wants us in North Dakota. Because God is able - He could have provided something here in Texas.
He isn't just moving us to a new state, He is moving in our hearts and our lives. He isn't just changing the scenery, He is changing us.
For now, I will cry the tears that need crying - and there are many. And at the same time, I will look forward to the future with excitement and readiness too. My hope is that the perfect family will be able to call our home theirs. That they may treasure and love this place as much as we have and that many more beauitful memories can be made within its walls.