March 31, 2011

All over the place

Today....I'm wearing my black-rimmed vanity glasses and new zebra print flats.

Today....I'm feeling a bit sassy. Which may have something to do with my black-rimmed glasses and zebra print flats.

Today....The line at McDonald's was about 37 cars long so I am missing out on my nonfat caramel mocha that's a new favorite of mine.

Today.....I am thinking about some new places I am going with God thanks to my handy little devotional that I am actually eager to open up and read most every day. He keeps asking me to trust and rely and depend on Him. All of this is pricking at some of my deepest pain and I am finally feeling like I am ready to go places with God we haven't exactly gone before. I'm not sure if this is great news, or just a taste of how messy things will soon feel. I suppose either way, it's good.

Today....I feel like I am liking myself more. I've been recognizing things about myself that are good or lovely or fun and feeling more comfortable just being me. And this is a big deal considering I've spent the majority of my life in self-contempt mode. And because of this there are certain people that have been officially removed from my "acceptance committee."

Today....I am smiling because Grace Group is awesome. God continues to use it to change and transform and free me.

Today....I am remembering my morning visit with my friend Sarah yesterday. She usually comes over once a month and I so enjoy our time together. It feels good and deep and energizing and real.

Today....I will be ordering invitations for a lingerie shower I am throwing. And my head is spinning with ideas and details. And oh, I love to throw parties!

Today....I am more aware how little time there is left with my sister-in-law before she moves away. I've found myself trying not to think about what her not being her anymore is going to look like. Because when I do, I am overwhelmed with sadness because I don't want her to go. And neither does Tommy who officially calls her "Tisthie." At some point, I am going to have to "check in" and sorrow over the loss of no longer having her in my regular, every day life.

Today....I am thinking about my trip to Michigan the first week of May to go through Book Two at SALTS. And I'm starting to worry over my flights and finding my terminals and going through security and wondering if my luggage will get there and if I'll be remembered to be picked up the airport....all of that is beginning to enter in and invite me to worry and stress. As silly as it sounds, I often purpose to worry about things so that they won't happen. If I haven't worried about them, then they will probably come about. Sounds illogical, but this has been a tiring way of how I have lived for YEARS.

Today....I looked in my truth mirror and smiled. And I have officially decided that every woman on the planet needs to have one of these things.

Today....I feel like I am more armed and prepared for how to tackle my eating disorder. It feels good to have practical and useful tools to put in place and to access. Today - I am feeling hopeful and recognizing progress.

Today....I am aware, I am hopeful, I am mindful.

Today....I am on guard and energized and conscious.

Today....I am wearing black-rimmed glasses and zebra print flats. And feeling a bit sassy.

Where are you today?


  1. Today I am giving this winter weather the metaphorical finger by wearing a summery dress. Which is fine inside my toasty classroom, but required wearing yoga pants under for the walk to work.

    Today I am looking forward to my long weekend from school and stubbornly refusing to remember that the reason for that long weekend is surgery. Because if I don't think about it, I can't be scare of it! Let's hear it for denial!

    Today I am wising that I had some zebra print flats! They would match my new zebra print umbrella so well :)

  2. worrying through everything so they hopefully wont happen has been something ive done my whole life- i just realized recently thats what was going on.
    i am excited about starting life over- without masturbation in it. i have not known my life apart from this. its going to feel new and im scared. but theres been too much soul chatter and prodding going on for me to just will away my guilt and will away the thoughts that its not good and its robbing so many people of me. because it deadens me.
    among so much more. thats whats going on. and im afraid. but more afraid of being dead, i think.