February 18, 2012

Sun Interruptions

There is this moment that inevitably happens after any long
rain shower.

When the sun first peeks through the clouds after two days of
gray, teary skies. When the ground is drenched and you drive through puddles of
water that splash onto sidewalks. The sky suddenly surrenders to the light of
the sun, highlighting the remnant clouds and it makes you squint and it's hard
to see because you've been so used to the gloomy around you. Where bright meets
dreary and it's unsettling and disrupting. The storm passes and the rest of the
day promises to be light.

There is something about that particular moment that stirs my
soul. It irritates and disappoints me and I get angry at that first shot of
sunshine. It feels like an interruption. Something about it feels unnerving.
Like I'm not ready for it. Like I just want more of the storm and the gray and
the overcast.

I want the sun to be tucked away and get lost back in the
clouds and come back quietly the next morning. It's soft light coming in slowly
through my windows and inviting me to its warmth. When it doesn't feel

I want more of the rain hitting my windows, bundled up in
blankets lost in Jane Austen plots and eating chocolate slowly. The dark, soggy
days invite my tears and my heart to feel things I've been holding on to that
need letting go. Rainy days do something for my soul that the sun just can't.

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