May 1, 2012

When life comes all at once

I'm settling into my new groove again.  Working more hours and where time is tighter and I feel more stretched.  Where plans have to be scheduled in advance and where the meals I make are easy and quick, or made ahead so I don't have to spend a lot of time in the kitchen after work every day.  Laundry gets done when it gets done and the house is a bit messier too.

All of that is what it is.  I've relaxed there though and I'm used to things being chaos.  It's not a reflection of who I am as a woman and where I drop the ball.  It's just a reflection of what life looks like and it's neither good or bad.  It just is.

Though parts of it feel hard, and I miss a more relaxed schedule and all of the "me" time I had, I also see where God gives me the strength to do what I have to do too.

Just last week, our offices moved in to a new building.  Even though the work that I did was mostly behind the scenes, it feels good to look back and see the work of something that I helped to build.

The month of April produced only pound of weight loss.  Yet that in itself feels like victory, because I am aware where the things that I was feeling would have made me gain weight instead.  It feels good to see where my eating has been more normal and exercise is still part of my routine.  The numbers may be quite slow in coming, but there is change and it is coming.

I got summoned for Jury Duty next Monday.  And it's my third time to be called and I simply don't have time to be away from work for more than a day and I'm hoping I won't be chosen for an actual trial.  And I know that sounds so "complainy," it's just one of those things that makes me feel overwhelmed.

Why does life always come all at once?

Another semester of Journey Groups is coming to a close.  This time around has been especially sweet for me.  I have deeply enjoyed connecting with women in my own church body and I am beginning to see the start of some new, deep friendships.

Tommy starts a new home daycare twice a week starting tomorrow.  And I feel nervous and that familiar ache is there just as it has always been.  I'm thankful that Todd takes drop-off duty because he knows my heart can't handle it.

Right now, I go all of Monday without seeing Tommy.  And he is still asleep when I leave for work on Tuesday mornings.  It's hard on my mommy heart and I often wonder what messages he is getting from my being gone.  Because the reason I am gone all day and all night on Mondays is to be a part of a ministry I feel passionate about and called to and that's at the expense of missing out on him for an entire day.  Kids interpret things in their own way and I often wonder what he think about this in his young, formative mind.

Before I left today, I left him a message on the refrigerator.  I hope that even in my absence, he knows how dearly he is loved.  That I do the things I do to help provide and care for him. To show him that ministry and other people are important.  That my heart is with him and for him even though I have to be gone so much.

Even though it's only Tuesday, I am very much looking forward to the weekend.  An afternoon on Friday to spend with my boy.  An Avenger-style date night with Todd.  A web baby-shower for my sweet friend in Alaska.  And the return of a very much missed cousin-friend from Washington DC.

Sometimes it's good to have things to look forward to when life comes all at once and rest is few and far between.


  1. I'm so with you...sometimes I find myself longing for the weekend, but also reminding myself not to wish my life away, even when it does seem that life comes at us all at once.

  2. I hear that. Right now, school is coming all at once and while I know it'll be over in a month and a half and somehow, everything will get done before then, I'm still pretty well in panic mode.

    Also, this is unrelated, but Jen Lancaster is doing a book signing in DC on the 18th and so I wish I had a ton of money so I could buy you a ticket to fly out and go with me.

    1. Oh man, I wish you had a ton of money too because I would TOTALLY go to that with you. I love her!!! Take a picture at least for me. (o:

  3. A pound is victory. absolute victory.

    I'll wish for your weekend to find you. I really will.