The thing with letting go is that it isn't something you do just one time. It is something that is done over and over again. Sometimes daily. When you've realized that you're still holding on or that you've grabbed hold again. Letting go is a forever and continual process it seems.
The weekend was about letting go. Todd and I labored in the garage and our second bedroom most of Saturday. Building piles of things that we simply didn't need or use and sent them off to Goodwill.
Sleeping bags. Old decorations. Stuffed animals. Hunter green towels. My "skinny" clothes. *sigh*
And yes, I let them go. Not because I don't think I'll ever get there, but because after sorting through them I realized my fashion choices have changed quite a bit in the last decade and there wasn't much I would still wear as my thirty-something self. I saved one top, a favorite pair of jeans and let the rest go. Doing that felt both sad and freeing at the same time.
Maybe letting go is supposed to feel that way. Sad and freeing.
We are tired of the clutter. We've been selling things and giving things away all year. I feel like my home is almost able to breathe. I say almost because we're not quite done yet. There are still papers to rifle through and files to make and something to be figured out with my craft situation. (Apparently, I have a craft situation now. Thank you Pinterest.)
But it feels good to be almost there. To have things in order, to feel like life is more simplified because we've stopped holding on to things that don't matter.
There's room to move around, room to breathe, room to hope. You need space for those things it seems.
We are still waiting to hear more about Todd's potential job. We received some news that wasn't bad, but it wasn't what we were hoping for either. After many tears and a big heart-to-heart and trying to look a little too far ahead into the future, I let it all go.
I shared my heart with my husband, I prayed and decided that what I needed most was to rest in truth. We're going to be okay. God will remember us - He has us. We have what we need right now and that's really all that matters. He knows what is best and all I need to do is just rest in Him and live. Things will happen when they do and I can't plan or will it or control it into becoming.
It felt a bit like losing and I felt like I had won too. Though I'm not sure why. Maybe letting go is supposed to feel that way too.
Letting go though, opening my hands and letting all that I was holding on to slip through my fingers, allows for Him to fill it with something else. Something more.