It's been a struggle to write lately. I've decided it's because I don't feel like myself at all - it's as if I'm only a version of me right now. Pregnancy does that I suppose. Between my lethargy and my crazy emotions and not being able to wear my cute clothes anymore (and already) I'm just not myself.
The scorching August heat doesn't help either. Oh fall, please come.
There are parts of me that feel more "under control" most of the time, but they ooze out because of excessive hormones and tiredness and who knows why really. Like how I hate having my picture taken all of a sudden because I'm self-conscious. How I'm over-reacting to situations that I could normally talk myself down from. And complaining about everything so much that I actually end up annoying myself.
Don't get me wrong - I wouldn't trade it for the world. Pregnancy is a small amount of time, and all of it is gloriously miraculous. I'm ecstatic to be with child and I don't want to sound complainy. But like I said, I simply don't feel like me.
I'm not a "here's my pregnant belly" week-by-week kind of writer. Nor am I a hard-core mommy blogger either. I have things to say about both pregnancy and motherhood, just not every day. Or every week. It's just not my style.
All that to say, there's been less of me showing up here to write. And there will probably continue to be less in the coming months. In a way it feels like a quiet season for me. To focus on taking care of myself, body and spirit. Of waiting and hoping and resting.
In the meantime, I'll be reading and growing a baby and dreaming. And I'll come to write on the days that feel just right.