me time

It's taken thirty-ish years, but I know myself well enough now to know that when I've had a week much like I did last week, it's crucial to make some time for me.  To do things that will bring me some calm and rest.  To say no to anything that feels overwhelming.  And to give myself some space so I can find my heart that somehow got buried under circumstance and negativity.

Both Friday afternoon and Saturday morning, I cleaned my house.  Oh did I clean.  I did laundry and dusted and vacuumed and swept and cleaned my kitchen.  It was glorious.  And since I enjoyed it so much is it safe to say that I've begun nesting already?

There was decaf coffee (and I don't care what anyone says, I can totally taste the difference) and some time to read.

I busted out my glue gun and made a fall wreath in about three hours.  This one was for my Robin.  I decided she needed something fallish for her front door.  And for some reason, I seem to have wreath-making supplies in abundance at my house.

I sorted through baby boy clothes.   {Two more weeks until we know who we are expecting!}  Though it sure was fun imagining another little guy in some of the things Tommy had.  I realized that I had SO many clothes, a lot of which Tommy never even wore - that I ended up getting rid of all of the outfits I didn't like, or that wouldn't work for him based on what it will be like seasonally and at what ages.  If I don't have a boy however, I have a couple of friends in mind to gift all of this stuff to.

It had been far too long since Todd and I went on a legitimate date.  And since his birthday was this weekend, it was the perfect time to go out and be together, just the two of us.  We saw a movie thanks to my awesome free passes, and we had dinner at the steakhouse that we had our very first date at seven years ago.  Todd went all out and ordered the steak of his dreams.  It was wonderful just to be able to hold hands and feel like a couple and just be us for a little while.  (Check out the guy's facial expression in the background - ha!)

The best part of the weekend may have been the amazing cold front that blew in.  The skies were cloudy and gray and yesterday was legitimately chilly.  We didn't even make it to 60 degrees. So, in honor of the glorious change in weather, I made chili and cornbread. 

October ushers in pumpkin pie season of course.  Making pies is one of my most favorite things to do when the weather shifts and since a lot of the weekend was about doing things to bring me back to myself, I decided it was also the perfect time to make a pie.  I make my crusts from scratch just like my Grammy taught me.  And I think it's safe to say I've perfected the art of crust-curling. 

We shared a slice last night as we celebrated the return of Todd's mom who has been in North Dakota for the last three weeks taking care of her dad who had surgery to remove cancer that was found in his bile ducts.  I think Tommy missed her more than anyone.

Everything - the house-cleaning, the coffee-drinking, the sorting through baby clothes and making wreaths and homemade pies and being alone with Todd - all of it was exactly what I needed.

I knew this because as I got in my car and headed to work this morning, I was finally able to pray a non-angry prayer.  I talked to God honestly and poured out my heart.  It was as if I felt soft enough to be able to go to Him and receive His love and care.  I was able to voice the things that I didn't even know where there until I was able to peel off the layers of my week and get back to the most real parts of who I am.

Sometimes this feels backwards from everything I've ever heard.  Like how the cure for a lousy attitude or places where you feel discouraged is where you go to God first and then look to the other things in life to enjoy and do that bring you some happiness and joy and relaxation. 

Maybe I'm wired differently.  Perhaps I'm "spiritually immature" or there's something I don't get about God or I'm simply self-centered.  Those could be true.  But I take comfort in knowing that He knows my heart above all else.  He knows that sometimes it takes me longer to come to Him.  He knows I have to be angry for awhile before I can soften.  He's the one who created me to love pie-making and wreath-creating and folding laundry.  And whether I acknowledge Him or not, He is there and He was there with me in it all.

Hoping your weekend was full of comfort, lovely things, and honest conversations.