Trust and Tissues

For months I've been struggling with trust.  With letting go of control and and whether or not I could really believe God's promises.  I've been fighting with where He was asking me to journey with Him because I've been scared.  There has been too much uncertainty, too many unknowns and I've tried to be my own security, my own assurance, and my own peace of mind.

I captured this photo after life came crashing down on Friday night.  I labeled it, "What trusting God looks like."  I let it post on my Instagram and my Facebook accounts.  It was something I wanted to remember.

Several friends called or sent messages, concerned about me and my heart.  Wondering if everything was okay with the baby or if I needed something or someone to talk to.  I felt surrounded by love and encouragement and community who cared enough about me to reach out when they could tell that when you Instagram a pile of wadded up tissues, that it means something is going on.

It seems as though knowing God makes me live a bit foolishly and rash because sometimes I'm convinced He is nuts.  But he has my heart.  This wild, crazy God who woos me and asks me to quit trying to figure things out myself and look only to Him for what I need.

Not all of the fear is gone, there are still waves of uncertainty and many unanswered questions.  But, decisions have been made, tears have been shed, and prayers have been lifted up.  In time, I'll have more to say about all of this.  But in short, I'm beginning to let go of all that I've been holding on to.  I'm fighting less and trusting more.

I've said "yes" to His invitation.

For now though, I only have a pile of tissues to show for it.  But there will be more.  Much more.