Mommy Blog Part 1: The IT Mom

When I was younger, I always had this vision of what kind of mom I was going to be.  You know how some girls make lists about the kind of man they are going to marry?  I had that same kind of list for what a good mom looked like.  And I was determined to be her.  The "IT" mom.

She looked very together - stylish, trim and sassy.  She would drive her four kids around in her SUV to soccer practice and gymnastics and piano lessons with finesse.  Four children was of course the perfect number when having a family.

She was the kind of mom that made hot breakfasts every day.  She would send her husband off to work with a packed lunch and a love note and a wet kiss and would stay home all day and play Barbies and tea party and dress-up because she would have daughters.  Boys were messy and loud and smelly, and I was sure daughters would be way more exciting.

The “IT” mom would never lose it – even on the bad days when she was tired or emotional.  More importantly, her kids would never see her lose it because she was going to have all of that under control.  She would always be happy and smiling, because how can you not be when you’re living the dream of a SAHM.  And you have all daughters  And YOU’RE MARRIED?!  Isn’t that what life abundant and fulfilled look like? 

Isn’t marriage and children and getting to stay home the dream of dreams if you’re a woman?

This same mom, the one I imagined I would be, she would sit and do crafts daily with her kids.  Grandparents and friends would receive handmade gifts on a regular basis because of all the time she spent with her precious girls.  She would of course make from scratch meals every day, have a tidy and kept home and have perfectly well-behaved, honest, polite children.  She was the epitome of balance, thoughtfulness and productivity – women would envy her and wonder how she seemed to master everything with such ease and beauty.

Her children's birthday parties would rock.  Her kids would be reading before kindergarten.  She would make award-winning cupcakes.  Her planner and her closets and her life would all be perfectly put together and organized.  She was thin and fit and exercised all the time.  Heck, she taught the fitness classes.  She helped out at church with all things children.  And of course she had sex all the time with her husband – and that’s why they were so happy together.  All of the daily sex they were having.  Because how great to be able to have sex every single day when you're married.

She was the image of the “IT” mom to me.  This organized, fit, crafty, sexed-up woman.  It was who I was going to be.  And if I wasn’t like her, I would die trying at least.

I’m almost certain that I came up with my version of the “IT” mom because it was who I wished my mom was.  We had an awkward relationship at best, and I desperately wanted more from her and with her.  I spent most of my childhood feeling missed by her as her affections and attentions were extended primarily to my brother who had special physical needs that she had to tend to an almost 24-hour basis.  I remember making a vow when I was younger that I was going to out-mom her and be everything I wished my mom was and more.  I would show her how to be a good mom because I was pretty sure she sucked at it.

A few months ago, I watched my image of the “IT” mom shatter to my dining room floor, hot chili dripping all over my screaming baby and my refinished dining room chair.  And I knew that this mom I thought I was going to be, would never be me.