Red, white and oh so very blue

So I had one of the most relaxing days EVER yesterday to celebrate Independence Day. After a great work out, I spent almost the entire day at my friend's pool. I read magazines and listened to music and swam and laid out and swam so more. Later on in the day, Todd and Tommy joined me.

The only sad part of the day was having to say goodbye to my Auntie again.
I guess the hardest part of saying goodbye to her is not knowing when I'll see her again. Our time together was sweet, and their work in Senegal, West Africa has them very unsure of what their work and future will look like there. It could be another year, or two at the most before I get to hug her neck again. And that, along with the most terrible knot in my neck I've maybe had in my entire life, has me a bit blue today.

Face-to-Face

We've shared in a lot together the last few days.

Conversation. Coffee. Laughter. Tears. Stories. Fried pickles. Waffles. Movies. Songs. Pictures. Memories. Hopes. Dreams. Longings. Shopping trips. Popcorn. Disappointments. Fears. Silliness. Love.

Just life.

It's been good to have her here - my Auntie. Though we communicate by phone and Skype, it is never the same as her being here in person. Her visit from Africa this summer was a surprise to us all as we didn't think she would be able to return to the states until next summer. Her presence brings a joy and light to my heart that somehow ministers to the place in my heart where it often times aches and hurts. Something about her and what we share together warms my soul to the deepest parts of who I am.
There is still more life to share over the next couple of days. And I'm trying not to think about her taking off on Tuesday and another year going by before I see her face-to-face again.

Pinteresting

Okay everyone. Have you heard of this new phenomenon called Pinterest?

I had seen some links here and there on various blogs, but didn't really think twice about it until recently. A couple of weeks ago I found myself with some down time and instead of cleaning my bathroom or doing something else that probably required my attention, I wandered over to Pinterest to see what the hype was all about.

Once I got my invitation from the site (seriously arrived within like ten minutes of my request for it), I was hooked. It took me a bit to figure out how to set up boards and figure out how to pin anything, but once I did I was hooked!

Let me explain (and this is mostly for the benefit of both of my Grandmothers). Pinterest is kind of like an online "pinboard." It's a place where you can store recipes, decorating ideas, organizational tips, or just pretty things that make you smile. It has all the excitement of online shopping, yet you spend nothing. It's a place to dream and have fun. And for me, it's been a great resource to get hundreds of ideas on how to spruce things up at home or add special touches to a party. I have found new blogs I enjoy, great handmade products that are on my official wishlist to purchase in real life, and a place where I've found wonderful and creative ideas that I want to try myself.

I've only been on Pinterest for two-ish weeks and I already have EIGHTEEN categorized boards. Perhaps I'm a little addicted, but it's fun and new and I just kind of can't help myself.

And how can a person have EIGHTEEN boards and what on earth are they all for you ask? Sure - I'll break it down for you. (o;

Decorating Ideas: This board is all about different things I'd like to do in my home from art projects, to patterns of curtains and pillows, and other ideas I'd like to implement in any room in my home.

Tablescapes: Many beautiful ideas of how to put a gorgeous table together for a dinner, party, or special event. Though with my kind of budget I would have to get even more creative. Though these are awesome to access merely for inspiration!

Party Central: Ya'll know I love to throw a good party. It's been great to find new themes, favors, food, ideas and decorations. Not only for inspiration, but things I could implement and create myself.

Accessorize: A place for fun things like earrings, necklaces, purses and fun things to accessorize any outfit. I have learned through this particular board that I have a "thing" for ruffles that I didn't know about until recently.

Shoe Candy: Because the 70 some pair of shoes I own at home isn't quite enough, it's fun to have a board of shoes I dream of. Shoes just make me happy.

Stylin': My board for fun outfits, tops and dresses that are my style. And things I definitely want to be on the lookout for if I'm ever shopping!

I could live there: Pretty homes that I could totally see myself calling home. I can dream right?

I love the holidays: Christmas galore! Decorations and pretty rooms that give me inspiration and ideas on how I'd like to make things gorgeous for the holiday season.

Yellow: It's my favorite color and it felt necessary to have a board dedicated of only yellow things that make me smile.

Autumn: I love to decorate for the fall and this board gives me a place to put new ideas and pretty things from my favorite season.

Scrapbooking: Though I should probably be catching up on my scrapbooking instead of making boards on Pinterest of page designs I'd like to try, it's great to find ideas on how to put pages together. Others' creativity often guides me to do some fun pages myself!

Because I'm kind of obsessed with weddings: If it didn't mean having to work every weekend, I think I would probably LOVE to be a wedding planner. And because I love wedding cakes and bouquets and beautiful pictures of weddings, it's fun to have a place to store all things wedding.

Just Dreaming: If you know about my wedding dress dream, this is a place where I have found gorgeous gowns and when it's time, I hope I can try every one of them on!

Sparkles: This board should be called "DREAM ON!" because it's a board full of beautiful diamondy things. Huge rocks that if I'm ever some kind of rock star or win the lottery or get my own television show (HA!) I'd be sporting one of these. Again - a girl can dream right?

Jennsational: Random board full of things that just remind me of myself and my life.

Pretty places and spaces: On this board are places I'd imagine myself spending some ME time reading, resting or vacationing.

Costumes: I'm always looking for unique and fun costume ideas for Halloween and silly parties I might throw.

Organizing Fun: I have great intentions about getting organized and then don't do it well. This board has given me great ideas on things I could do to get my pantry, office, cabinets, bathrooms, etc., organized and looking good!

Okay, so that was exhausting and I'm sure I bored anyone reading that. But I had fun with it so I suppose that's all that matters!

And if you want just a taste of a few things I've pinned, here you go!

This beautiful tablescape via

And this great birthday banner via


This cute purse via
My boards and my purposes for it are more of a collection of ideas and such, but the site is actually quite awesome and functional if you're planning a wedding, furnishing a home or apartment, or putting a cookbook together of recipes and such. Apparently I'm sold on this new site and think you should be too.

Are you on Pinterest yet? What kinds of things do you like to pin?

My cup runneth over

Sometimes there are these moments in life....really good, really happy, and really fulfilling moments that leave you feeling overwhelmed by the beauty of them. Beautiful, laughter-filled, fun moments that stay with you for years. I have several memories of my childhood that I still remember with so much fondness - a time when our family felt closer and more connected. I can still remember those times right down to smells and sounds, the meals we shared, the jokes that were told, the gifts that were given and received, the games played, or even the tears that were cried.

It's felt like a long time since we've had one of those times together - one of those unforgettable nights that you know you will sit around and talk about later when you're older. Tonight I had one of those nights with my family. It felt like a night that will be memorable for me. In 20 years, I will still recall this night with fondness.

I will remember Poppy sitting at the kiddie table because he was the first to get his food.
I will remember my dad's face for my son as Tommy was enamored by his guitar playing and wanted to play along with him.
I will remember that Auntie was here and she was the reason we all gathered together for this special mid-week affair. I will remember that I made tacos and everyone loved my spanish rice and Robin's guacamole.
I will remember Tommy singing with us and being a ham and showing off for the entire family.
I will remember my sweet Grammy as she observed the family around her laughing and talking and singing and eating. I knew she was soaking it all in and enjoying every drop of every moment together.
I will remember my cousin Jon reading Tommy a book and asking if he could come back and do that again some time.
I will remember Tommy jumping up in to Poppy's arms before they left for the night.
I will remember conversations and faces and laughter and singing. I will remember that my dad played an old favorite song of mine and I sang it. I will remember that everyone ate my dessert until it was gone. I will remember how several of us snorted with laughter.
I will remember that my step-sister Chelsea announced that her and her new husband were expecting a baby and we all cried and rejoiced. I will remember her tears and my own for such exciting news.
I will remember that on this night - a random Tuesday in June where we all got together as a family to see my Auntie who was visiting from Africa, that we had a great, great time.

I will remember that no matter how often or how few our family times together can look like this, that God is the giver of such amazing gifts. I will remember that living in the tension of life is hard, but that it's where He has me and He's given me the strength and courage to do it. I will remember that there are still good times to be had and to be shared and how I hope there will be more opportunity for it. I will remember that God is the giver of new life and how good it feels to celebrate it. I will remember how I felt His love poured over me tonight.
I will remember.

My heart is full. My cup runneth over.

The Hill

Nearby is a small historic park. It has an official name and everything, but I have named it simply, "The Hill." I love that it's so close. And even though it's smack dab in the middle of the busy suburbs, once I head down its familiar trails, it's almost as if that part of the world just disappears. Sometimes it feels like my own private place. It's where I find solitude.

And every time I go there, I seem to always find God. Perhaps because I go looking for Him.

It's been a favorite location of mine for years now. I go there when I want to exercise or pray or cry or just work out my frustrations on it's winding paths. There are several paths to walk. Some are easy - they are paved and shady. Others are more challenging and require some skill and athleticism as they are steep and rocky. And I love to go and sit at the very top where it overlooks much of the city.

Instead of church yesterday, I went to the hill. I walked some and jogged some. It felt good to see progress in myself as being able to do a bit of light jogging, even for brief spurts at a time, is some what of a big deal for me. It feels exciting to pick up the pace. I was kind of loving it.

I felt my muscles tighten as I climbed the steep and steady incline that led to the top of the hill as the sun beat down on me. This might sound weird, but it's in those moments of a good work out that make me feel the best. When I can feel the sweat, feel the burn in my muscles and feel my body respond to what I'm asking it to do. It's both strenuous and rejuvenating at the same time.

The hill somehow brings clarity. Being out in nature and allowing my body to get some good exercise somehow opens up my mind to think more clearly and even feel more deeply. And every time I'm there I tell myself - I need to come here more often.

As I walked yesterday I thought about how my life and my relationship with God reminded me of these trails. Some times have felt good - easy, happy, and shady where the breeze felt great. Others felt hard, rocky, and the heat became almost unbearable and left me desperate for some relief. Other times in life felt (or even currently feel) never ending until the next bend in the road came and the scenery would finally change. And no matter what my walk has looked like or what trails I've been on, my body feels better after. All of me feels better. The walk challenged me, strengthened me, energized me and refreshed me. And I know the same is true for my "walk" with God.

I'm not really sure where I am on my walk with God these days. It keeps changing as He keeps inviting me to share in MORE with Him. And I'm not sure how to describe the path we are walking on, but the point is, we are walking.

And the pace is picking up to a light jog. And I'm kind of loving it.

Summer Play List

I don't know about you, but certain songs can almost take me back to certain times of life. I can remember the smells and sounds and what life felt like. Anytime I hear the song "One Sweet Day," by Mariah Carey, it takes me back to my freshmen year of high school when a girl named Brenda was my best friend. We lived on cheeseburgers and Twix candy bars and clung to each other in gym class as we didn't know anyone else. We would often sing this song at the top of our lungs and wish we had the kind of powerhouse voice that Mariah did.

I'm still the same way though. Certain songs can take me back to a memory in life or of a person or a feeling.

As this is the summeriest summer I've had in quite some time, I wanted to remember what my summer play list was. Most of these songs I've been jamming out to in my car or at work. Some of I've danced to. Others just feel fitting for my heart right now. Either way, I wanted to remember them, so that someday I could go back and listen when life isn't as summery or I need a reminder of what it feels like to celebrate and just be alive.

My list is all over the place - country, Christian, rock, ballads, pop, etc. I'm a versatile music lover, what can I say?

In no particular order, (aside from #1 as it's my current favorite) here is my current summer play list:


#1) Dynamite - Taio Cruz

#2) Firework - Katy Perry

#3) Gonna be a good night - Black Eyed Peas

#4) Forever - Chris Brown

#5) Country Girl (Shake it for me) - Luke Bryan

#6) Rolling in the Deep - Adele

#7) Always - Kristian Stanfill

#8) Heart Like Mine - Miranda Lambert

#9) Perfect - Pink

#10) I am Free - Newsboys

#11) Just the way you are - Bruno Mars

#12) In the End - Linkin Park

#13) Party in the U.S.A. - Miley Cyrus

#14) Love Story - Taylor Swift

#15) I so Hate Consequences - Reliant K

#16) Dare you to Move - Switchfoot

#17) Alive - P.O.D.

#18) Feels like Home - Chantal Kreviazuk

#19) Blessings - Laura Story

#20) I Need You - Chris Tomlin

Do you have any favorite summer songs? Any songs that take you back to a memory or a memorable time of life?

My Party Dress

It felt fitting to have a dress for this wedding, this friendship, this celebration - it felt like it was time. And when I actually found a dress to wear, I knew without a shadow of a doubt it was time.

I brought my back-up outfit just in case something happened and I didn't think I could go through with it. My dressy, but non-dress-outfit was waiting in the closet in case I felt like I needed to put it on instead. I didn't want to be stuck without a wedding appropriate outfit in case something awful happened and shut me down. I felt like I needed to be prepared, and I was.

There is something about wearing a dress that is just different from any other kind of outfit. It's even different than a skirt. It's a more feminine declaration of who a woman is. It's been a declaration that I've been wary of making because of how I have felt about myself in the past.

Over the years, there is been much damage done to my femininity - and a lot of that has been self-inflicted. I've looked at where I joined evil in being out to destroy my beauty. And refusing to wear a dress has been one of the places I have done that. It's where I have remained hidden. It's where I have agreed with evil that I wasn't worth that level of femininity or beauty. It's where I let my insecurities define me and no one could talk me into even trying one on, much less wearing one.

Evil whispered to me much of the weekend. "You are going to look ridiculous in that dress. You don't even belong here. Wear the other outfit. You know that dress will look horrible on you - it was a fluke that you liked in in the dressing room. People will think you look awful. Someone will make fun of you behind your back. Don't wear that dress." Yes, evil's whispers were persistent.

Yet I recognized the voice. It wasn't mine. And it wasn't the voice of my Father. So I decided to ignore it. I decided to disagree with what it had to say. It feels so very empowering to remember that I have a choice and that I get to decide how I am going to live my life.

The back-up outfit remained in the closet the entire weekend.

I wore that dress. And I rocked it out! Isn't it fun?! It felt very "me." And it was perfect for the occasion. I am only now wondering where I can wear this to so I can wear it again!
Todd arrived at the church after me as I got ready with the bride and the bridesmaids that evening. As I walked down the hallway to meet him, I began to cry. His face for me was everything that I had hoped it would be. He looked at me with his adoring eyes and held me tightly in his arms and told me of my beauty and his love for me. He has missed seeing me in a dress and I loved that I was able to let myself be enjoyed by him that night.

Later in the evening, I invited my husband out on to the dance floor with me. He got out there and spun me around - I even taught him how to do a fun line dance. And later we shared a slow dance together. My dress got plenty of twirling action. I love that Shelley's reception pictures will include those of us dancing. That makes me smile.

I'm not sure what Todd's expression is about in this picture, haha, but we had such a fun time together.
God makes all things new - in His time. And it was finally time for me to put on a party dress, and dance the night away.

THIS SONG feels fitting for where I am right now..He makes beautiful things.

Thank you sweet Jesus for pictures of redemption that remind me of your goodness, unfailing love and relentless pursuit of my heart. I love You.